Sunday, September 30, 2012

Y2 Day 32: How I Love TV

Another busy morning — walk, lift, crunch, stretch, shower, church, then get Mimosa to yoga and hand over Li'l Martini to Sexy Em (for an afternoon with HoneyBear! Martini's in heaven), but then I had a glorious free day in which I did nothing but read . . .

. . . and tonight, three hours of good TV awaits!
  • Call the Midwife — I've heard nothing but wonderful things about this PBS series! (I keep forgetting its name, though, and calling it Blame It on the Midwife, which is a very different show, I imagine.)
  • Episode 1, Season 4, of The Good Wife!!!! It ended on a note of insane suspense, I can hardly believe it's finally back. Alicia! Kalinda! Eli! Peter!!!
  • 666 Central Park West — This one has gotten mixed reviews, but I like the cast so I'm optimistic. But if I don't like it, I have M*A*S*H and Medium to watch.
I am dying of happy!

And tomorrow, while I have things to do (edit a unit, call the Department of Public Works, get a new printer), I have nothing scheduled to do, which makes me feel light and free.

Oh! And my weight was down this morning (251 on the upstairs scale before my walk, 249 on the downstairs scale after my walk), though the last time I weighed in at Fat Secret I was at 248 so I didn't record it. Still! I'm closing the gap!

I'm doing two new arm exercises, which I got from an article titled Get Michelle Obama's Arms!, and boy howdy do I feel them. My arms, man; they are lookin' good.

Sunday night TV. Bliss.


—Lady C, girl of simple pleasures

p.s. I wore kind of a sexy outfit to church today, a tiny red top with bits of black bra peeping out (though it wasn't obviously my bra, it could've been an undershirt or camisole), a black pencil skirt, black boots, an armful of silver bangles, red lipstick, hair up, dangly silver earrings, and steel-colored nail polish, and a woman I love and admire grabbed my arm and said, "You are just so beautiful. I know it's shallow, but I think it every time I look at you."

Isn't that awesome? Made my day.

(I was "dressed up" because Husband was installed as a Worship Associate this morning, and I wanted to be extra-pretty arm candy for him.)

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Y2 Day 31: Early to Bed

For the first time in ever, I'm actually home at night with nowhere I have to be. It is 6:40, Husband is doing the dinner dishes, I'm finishing the teeny tiny bit of Ben & Jerry's pistachio ice cream left in the carton, and a long lovely night stretches before me. I am SO HAPPY.

First stop: Bathtub! I have two chapters left of the Meryl Streep book and then two new library books plus a PEOPLE magazine plus Entertainment Weekly. Perfect bathtub reading!

Second stop: Bed! Possibly at a time that's a single digit!

And I will get up early tomorrow and take a walk before church, which will be lovely.

Two unexpected and nice things happened today:
  • The kids and I watched new show Ben and Kate, which is HILARIOUS. We would watched it anyway because it's on between Raising Hope and New Girl, shows that we love, but it's a bonus to actually like it.
  • I had $20 in Kohl's cash that had to be spent today; I got an adorable kitten-soft summer nightie for Mimosa (she desperately needs new nighties) and an armload of silver bangle bracelets for me, and it cost me: $1.64. Score!
Off to the tub. Happy happy happy me! I LOVE STAYING HOME!!!

xx Lady C

Y2 Day 30: My Evening of Cul-chuh!

Last night, Husband and I sat front-row center and watched our friend Handsome D magnificently portray Prospero in Shakespeare's The Tempest. The entire production was excellent, but our friend commanded the stage like nobody's business. It was thrilling.

Every single time I see a Shakespeare play, I spend the first five to seven minutes going, "Nope — I'm not going to understand a single word anyone says." And then something happens, in either my brain or my ears, and it's like I suddenly know the language and all is revealed. And even though this happens every single time, I still spend that five to seven minutes believing that it's over, the magic won't happen for me this time. Funny.

Yesterday was another crazy day, where I went from thing to thing to thing, and I was just too tired to blog when I got home last night. You understand.

Highlights of the past few days:
  • I now have my bifocals. I am not used to them yet. It's hard to imagine giving up my "regular" glasses for a world that's blurry at the edges.
  • We went to Back to School Night at Martini's school and met all his teachers and climbed a thousand stairs. His math teacher cracked us up, saying, "I like teaching sixth-graders. By seventh grade, they're really snotty. Sorry, parents!"Husband salivated over the History curriculum; I had a similar reaction to English/Language Arts. Does our son appreciate the wonderful world of learning that is open to him? Ha. 
  • On their own, Mimosa and Angel-Daughter arranged an after-school date to watch Mean Girls and eat pizza at Angel-Daughter's dad's house, which involved many moving parts. Mimosa doesn't do a lot of after-school social stuff, and I was happy for her. and impressed that they worked it out. She's also loving her GSA club and has made friends with two boys there. Slowly, slowly, she finds her way.
  • I've been to two trainings for my new job as a Math Practice Guide. My boss is good-hearted but not well-organized. It also pays a little less than I'd thought, which is a drag. On the other hand, I think I'm going to love working with the kids. We have one more week of training and will likely start the following week. I still don't know which school I'll be in or what my hours will be. Que sera sera. 
  • I had lunch with Kind Tina on Thursday and Mrs. Cynicletary on Friday, always a joy, and though my weight had been down earlier in the week, restaurant food worked its usual "magic" and brought it back up again. (I also didn't have time to exercise either day, though, as noted, I sawed some branches.) Today I'm going to push hard; I'd love to have a good weigh-in tomorrow.
Off to get started with chores! Chores, church meeting, exercise, dinner prep, bath — that's my plan for the day. Oh, and call Handsome D and gush over him. He was amazing. He could be the next Denzel, I'm telling you.

—Lady C, starstruck

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Y2 Day 29: Too Too Much

Too much going on.

Too stressful day.

Too many balls in the air.

Too tired to write.

Tomorrow . . . more of the same, probably, but maybe not quite as much. Maybe.

The weekend is busy but manageable.

Next week looks better.

Gotta go to bed now.

Funny thing — in the midst of all of today's too-too-ness, what I really wanted to do was sweat. So I worked in my yard for a while and sawed some limbs off of things.

It helped.


—Lady C

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Y2 Day 28: 19 Years of Wedded Bliss

Happy Anniversary to me!

Husband brought me coffee in bed this morning, like the perfect peach he is, and we enjoyed cheerful a.m. conversation while I sipped. Then he went off to teach college, and I took Li'l Martini to the doctor; my baby has been having recurring stomach pains ever since a barfy birthday party at Canobie Lake Amusement Park in late August, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. (We were all amused to see that he's just two inches shorter than his pediatrician; my little sweetie is now 5'3.5" and weighs 119.5 pounds. He is as high as an elephant's eye! I just have my fingers crossed that all the pricey new jeans I bought him won't turn into floods overnight.)

We'd decided to see a matinee of The Master, which has been getting amazing reviews, and Lexington had a show at 3:45 — perfect! We'd be home in time to bring the kids some dinner and get Mimosa to karate at 7 — or so we thought.

First thing I need to tell you about The Master: It's LONG. We weren't out till 6:21. The kids called us twice, moaning that they were starrrrrving . . . (Mimosa's sandwich is waiting for her.)

Second thing: The Master is AWFUL.

OK, that may be harsh. It's a well-made and well-acted film, about nothing in particular, populated by thoroughly despicable, unpleasant, or, at the very least, deeply deluded souls, and it goes on and on and on. I walked away with a million questions that I never particularly want answered, thank you.

So, yeah. I have to say that I don't recommend it. At all. And as for Phillip Seymour Hoffman — critics are raving about his performance, but I felt like I'd seen it all before. (I think I've seen most of his movies.) He's nowhere near as good in this as he was in Capote.

But our Indian food was sublime, and I'm about to indulge in hours of wonderful Wednesday night TV, and I adore my adorable husband, and it's been a perfectly grand anniversary. And I would rather see a crappy movie with Husband than an Oscar winner with anyone else, and that? Is a nice thing to be able to say after 19 years.


—Lady C, wife

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Y2 Day 27: Kickin' It Gangnam Style

Another perfectly lovely day, though I didn't do much:
  • Finished editing the Jewish mobster piece; the client seems happy. We'll see what the writer says. He's one of those writer who wants to put in every single interesting fact he knows, whether it's relevant to the topic or not, so I fear that my suggested edits will feel like stab wounds. 
  • Ate small pretty meals. Two of them included chard.
  • Picked up our CSA share. Plum tomatoes! Wax beans! Fresh beets! I also bought some more Chinese sausage, YUM. 
  • Rubbed Vaseline on my cat's swollen lip. Vaseline cures everything! And I really want to avoid a big vet bill if possible. We'll see how she responds to TLC at home.
  • Went to zumba, where we did a new routine to "Gangnam Style." Ridiculously fun. I felt so hip.
  • Called Mom, heard all about Uncle Bill's memorial service, which sounds like it was lovely. These are the times that I regret living so far away. It would have been nice to be with my family. Having said that, while I adore all my aunts and uncles, I'm really not close to a single one of my cousins. Other people talk about having sibling-like relationships with their cousins, which has always been so foreign to me. I'm not drawn to a one of 'em.
Soon I'll be in a lovely hot tub, with two new library books (including the latest Alice book by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, yay!). I also have the M*A*S*H season that includes the one about the guy who thinks he's Jesus, which I've never seen all the way through. Fun fun fun!

And my weight was down again this morning, third day in a row! I'm on such a good roll.

Off to the tub!

—Lady C

Monday, September 24, 2012

Y2 Day 26: A Surprisingly Awesome Day!

I think I forgot to announce: I got the job I wanted! I am the newest Math Practice Guide at one of our elementary schools, but I don't know when I'm starting. I also have an editing job floating in the ether, but it hasn't materialized yet. With no clear obligations I am not always the most disciplined person, but I decided that this week I would make my own obligations, devoting myself to a week of Good Industry and Serious Fun.

Starting with: exercise! I took a long walk (and had to laugh at the last song that came up on my iPod: "You're the Top," sung by Cole Porter, which suddenly made me miss my sleepy friend Mrs. Susan Kerry very much, because I knew that she especially would enjoy the absurdity of working out to Cole Porter — so my new wish is that Susan will come to Arlington and take long walks with me; we can stroll arm in arm, belting, "You're an O'Neill drama, you're Whistler's Mama, you're Camembert!") and then came home and did everything: The Plank (30 seconds, skinnybitches!), bicep curls, tricep curls, side extensions, shoulder therapy, throw-downs, wall push-ups, and stretching! I am so healthy, I should be on a Wheaties box.

I had a small pretty lunch, then wrote my weekly recap of Downton Abbey (I'm "joining" in a "group" watch of Season 1 of Downton right now, we're cramming for Season 3, and in theory there are dozens of us taking part — but I'm the only one who ever says anything; still, I can talk to myself till the cows ring the doorbell, it's all good) and made labels for all my awesome new CDs, thank you again, Bride Boy!, and had a phone meeting at 1:30 that turned into the most interesting editing job: a short film-noirish book about Jewish gangsters.

(One of my editing clients has a freelance gig; she read this piece, said, "Oh, man . . .", and called me right away. It desperately needs a good edit [and a rewrite], but I am the girl for the job. Of course, they have no money, so I've agreed to do it for a flat fee. But honestly? I'm having a blast. I can't wait to get back to it!)

(Jewish gangsters, who knew?)

I found out at the last minute that one of our favey restaurants was doing a benefit for our local library tonight, so we all hastened down there to eat well for charity. I had a single glass of wine, a big salad, and one small piece of bread. Yummy and satisfying. And we had a blast, playing our new favorite card game, Family Flux. I love my kids, I love my cute husband, I love my local community. Fun night.

And Husband and I made plans for our upcoming 19th wedding anniversary on Wednesday. The kids are home from school for Yom Kippur (I'm all about the Jews today! Thank you, dear Jews!), so we'll have a yummy breakfast together; then he goes off to teach and I'll probably work too. But then we'll meet up to see The Master and bring in Indian food — a perfect celebration, and one that our kids have a complete and total lack of interest in, so we can make out in the movie theater. Whee!

Tonight we'll watch How I Met Your Mother, which we all enjoy, even though I do NOT like Barney and Robin together and was rooting for Quinn, and then maybe I'll finish reading The Meryl Streep Movie Club, which I'm liking fine, I just feel no urge to read it when I'm not reading it. Which, I guess, is a bad sign. But I'm not that far into it yet, maybe it will heat up.

I'm drinking coffee, I had one small Burdick's dark chocolate, I'm done eating for the night, my weight has been down two days in a row.

I'm happy!

Sending love and good wishes to my besty, who celebrates her own wedding anniversary today, though she's ahead of me — 21 years for her and CPA Boy. Cheers!

Ooh, I can edit for 15 more minutes before my show starts. Back to Bugsy!

—Lady C, slightly obsessed

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Y2 Day 25: My Dinner With a Famous Authoress

The Authoress of the Mother-Daughter Book-Club series was in town this weekend, and I excitedly offered to host a dinner party in her honor. Such an elegant soiree I had planned! I invited Brunie (who met the Authoress some time ago) and Sister Hart (who, with me, shared Juicy Lucys with her at the Betsy-Tacy Convention) and also Blogger Dawn, new bookstore owner who might host an event, perhaps — the books are set in Concord, after all.

But, alas, Blogger Dawn couldn't make it, and poor Sister Hart called in sick, and Brunie kept coaxing me to invite child after child (only a slight exaggeration), so my elegant adult dinner party kinda turned into a mother-daughter dinner, with Mimosa and two young guests: Brunie's adorable blondie god-daughter, and Elsa-Heidi-Gretel, the stunning 16-year-old German exchange student staying with Brunie this week (Brunie exchanged her elder son to the Germans), who seemed a tad nonplussed by our wacky highjinks (particularly when I gifted Brunie with a box of decades-old mini-pads — don't ask) but was a good sport and great fun.

I cooked all day, my favorite activity, and danced wildly in my kitchen to "From Fat to Fabulous: A Soundtrack," six CDs that Bride Boy made for my 50th birthday — and they are awesome! As is he. Though, as I told him, I fear that my moves are less like Jagger and more like Milli Vanilli.

(After dinner, we had Brunie teach us all how to move like Jagger, which was highly instructive. Though I have yet to put it into practice.)

Here's what I served:

Grapes, Olives, Nuts
Brunie's Very Expensive Dip*
Assorted Pretzel Sticks
Prosecco, Sparkling Lemonade

Lady C's Perfect Chicken
Macaroni and Four Cheeses
Braised Chard with Caramelized Onions
Carrot Sticks
Pumpkin Muffins
Apple Salad
Wine, Seltzer, Juice

Russian Cream**
Raspberry Sauce
Mocha Truffle Cookies
Incredibly Weak and Disgusting Coffee***

Everything (except the coffee) was scrumptious, and I have lots of yummy leftovers. And Brunie left me all her dip!! It is my favorite party leftover, I am a happy happy girl. Though, given my efforts to eat less, I shall have to divide it into teensy portions and parcel it out over, say, 10 days — it should keep that long.

The Authoress is a divine and twinkly and gracious guest, and it was great fun to see her again. And over all too quickly! (Possibly hastened by me saying, "You can leave with Brunie now or you can stay with me, but I have to do the dishes, I'm not going to talk to you or entertain you or anything.")

(You know, it really is a wonder that I have a single friend in the world.)

I wish I had a dinner party every night. And despite the abounding deliciousness, I didn't overeat or have a second helping of anything. Yay, me!


—Lady C

* It comprises cream cheese, chutney, pecans, and scallions and is INSANELY good. I think the chutney and the pecans are the expensive part. Oh man, is it good, particularly left over for breakfast.

** A firm white pudding. Brunie's favorite.

*** Brunie insisted that I "don't put too much coffee in the coffee." I did my best to oblige. She says it was the best cup of coffee that she's ever had in this house; I say it was swill. But we couldn't get blondie god-daughter (age 11) or Elsa-Heidi-Gretel to taste it and settle our dispute. Brats.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Y2 Day 24: Small Pretty Meals, Plus Some Pop Culture

So, you know how I was very blue yesterday over something fairly insignificant and how I also had a migraine? I always fail to connect these dots.

Yep — another visit from Auntie Flo! I only just stopped bleeding from my IUD's going-away party eight days ago. It's like being twelve all over again! Which is awesome, because I was one seriously hot and angst-free twelve year old.

(Really. Ask anyone. OK, maybe not my mom.)

Clearly I am in another weight plateau; I haven't seriously budged from 252 in a long time, even after my deep colon cleanse. The type of food I eat is not so much the problem (as evidenced by how much difficulty I had last week avoiding fresh produce), and while I haven't been exercising as much as usual, given the busy-ness of my days, in general I'm exercising a goodly amount. I think it's my portions that are killing me. So this week I'm going to focus on Small Pretty Meals — I may even go back to photographing them — and see if that helps.

Today I had a smallish bowl of whole-grain cereal for breakfast, and an arugula and goat cheese salad for lunch (the beets, sadly, had gotten slimy since I steamed them last week. I curse my Colon Cleanse [Utterly Beet-Free] Diet!), and I'm looking forward to turkey pie, red hot apples, and Caesar salad for dinner — a small lovely plate. And lots and lots of produce (there are four veggies in the turkey pie, I believe — I made it last Thursday, during No Solid Food Day, and let me tell you how much fun it was to taste it for seasoning and then spit it out).

In other news, after chores today I took an afternoon bath, always a treat, and read Entertainment Weekly. Here are my pop culture thoughts of the week, influenced by my reading:
  • Stars Who Annoy Me for No Real Reason, They're Just So Annoying: Bradley Cooper, Helen Hunt, Jessica Simpson, Teri Hatcher
  • Stars Who Annoy Me for a Very Specific Reason: Kirstie Alley and Cybill Shepherd, with their "Look at me! I'm sooo wacky! Look at me! Look at me!" desperation; Adam Sandler (who green-lights his movies? Who GOES to them??); Uma Thurman (looks like a bug), Jessica Lange (over-emoting hack who stole both her Oscars)
  • Movies I'm Wicked Excited to See: The Master, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Silver Linings Playbook, The Impossible
  • The Two Most Gorgeous and Sexy Women on Television: Christina Hendricks on Mad Men and Archie Punjabi on The Good Wife
  • Star Who Is Not Aging Well: Tracy Pollan, who was so adorable when we met her on Family Ties, but every year she grows thinner and harder looking. It concerns me.
  • New TV Shows I Plan to Watch: Nashville666 Park West, The Mindy Project (I will watch other shows because they come on in between shows I already watch, but I'm not excited about any of them. And do NOT say Tivo or DVR to me! Or, okay, you can say it, I'm not the boss of you — but I am not listening. Thank you for your kind suggestion, though, you're a pal)
  • Troubled Star I Most Hope Will Get Help and Recover: Amanda Bynes
  • Stars I Thought I Hated, Then I Saw Them Play a Different Part and Went, Wow — You Were ACTING!: Maggie Grace, David Ogden Stiers, Alan Cumming, Ed O'Neill
  • Stars I'm Convinced Are the Same Person: Wes Bentley and Joaquin Phoenix; Helen Hunt, Laura Linney, and Laura Dern
  • Stars I Loved Before Most People Knew Who They Were: Denzel Washington (A Soldier's Story), Meryl Streep (Holocaust), Jennifer Garner (Felicity)
And while I have no strong feelings about Kristen Stewart one way or the other (my BF Lady Darcy loathes her), I must say: I love her eye make-up.

The timer just dinged — time for my small pretty dinner! Which smells really good.

Bon appetit!

—Lady C


I can't believe I keep forgetting to publicly wish my dear friend J a happy belated birthday! (It was the 20th.) Many happy days to you, my darling friend. Come back soon!

(September is one of my Big Event Months; Maybelline Queen was born on the 17th, J on the 20th, my junior high best friend today, and both Lady Darcy and I celebrate our wedding anniversaries this month. Busy busy!)

Today was also my Uncle Bill's memorial service, so I expect a report from Mom soon. Everyone loves the DVD that Husband made. He is a mega rock star.

And finally: Just ate dinner. Had second helpings of both the pie (with mashed potato crust! so yummy) and the salad, but they were very very small.

The challenge continues.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Y2 Day 23: Dance Ten, Colon Three

I am extremely depressed. I was valedictorian — twice! — for God's sake. I am a Rules Girl, a champion brown-noser, always the first one with my hand up. I am practically a professional A getter.

But today I got graded on my colonoscopy prep, and on a four-point scale, from Excellent to Poor, I got a Fair.

I am not happy. I don't know how I could have done their stupid prep any better.

Well, okay, I could have started it on Sunday, as required, if it didn't freaking take them till Tuesday to send me the instructions.

And yeah, I probably could have drunk more liquid following Cleanse #2, which I had to perform at freaking 3:00 in the morning and could barely keep my eyes open to swallow the required amount of Gatorade —WHICH, by the way, I TOTALLY DID.

I followed every stupid direction they gave me, except for summoning my ability to go back in time three days — and for this I get a grade of FAIR???

Husband says I'm taking this too hard and too personally.


I also endured a migraine today, the sure result of 24 hours sans coffee, and I checked in at the colon desk with a cold wet washcloth pressed to my forehead, looking, I'm sure, like a total drama queen (or a confused auditioner for Camille). It was a pretty miserable day.

Plus, I cried when they tried to put in my IV, which is always a nightmare with me, given my inability to hold either arm in any helpful position longer than 30 seconds. They ended up doing the IV through my hand and had to call in a ringer to do it.

Plus, I threw up. Several times. Before and after.

The prep, though? Other than the 3 a.m. thing, piece of cake.

And the colonoscopy itself? Totally slept through it. I had one polyp, which I'm fully expecting to be benign. They did not send me home with pictures, but I can live with that.

Post-colon, I headed straight for coffee, threw up in Starbucks, came home, tried to drink said coffee, realized instantly that anything I put in my mouth would be thrown right back up, put my head on the pillow around noon and didn't wake up till 3, when the kids came home from school. And I've been lying in bed all day watching excellent movies.

The things that are hard for me are so rarely the things that are hard for other people!

While searching for just the right image for today's post, I came upon a fine piece of writing that very much captures much of what I felt this week.

I am so glad it's over. When I do this again, five years from now, I will be armed with the knowledge I gleaned today, and I will get a freaking EXCELLENT.

That is all.

Grrr arggh.

—Lady C

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Y2 Day 22: Preparing to Cleanse

Pictured is my diet for the day. The Cleanse has begun.

I'll say no more.

(Plus, I shouldn't be away from the bathroom for too long.)

Details tomorrow — plus, I think, pictures!!

—Squeaky-Clean (and ever elegant) Lady C

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Y2 Day 21: Nature Is Terrible In Her Wrath

We had a wild and crazy windstorm last night, windowsill tchotchkes blowing over right and left, bedroom doors slamming shut, and I found it all very exciting and entertaining — that is, until the ear-splitting crash and eerie flash of light around 1 a.m., which . . . gave me pause. I looked out our bedroom window and saw nothing amiss (like, my car was still in the driveway — what else could it be?) so went back to sleep . . .

. . . until we were all awakened at 6:30 a.m. by the Public Works guy, who asked us to move Husband's car (which he parks in front of the house — directly under, and yet somehow unscathed by, our fallen tree).

We've known the tree would go someday, we've been treating its poor diseased self since we bought the house 14 years ago, but I think the power lines running through it have actually given it some support. But last night it bit the dust — and hully gee, what a sight!

And truly, it's a miracle. It didn't hit Husband's car, it didn't hit our house, we weren't without power or cable or telephone service — I was pretty much stuck in the house all day, what with tree limbs and live electrical wires blocking my car, but it all worked out okay. I walked down the hill to Starbucks to have a breakfast meeting with Kind Tina, and was able to arrange for someone else to pick up Angel-Daughter, which I was doing as a favor to Good Neighbor Anne. So — a day of quiet work in my house. No prob.

Now I'm waiting for my foxy electrician to call me back, and tomorrow I'll call my tree guys to have the stump removed. And after our deductible, our insurance will pay for all of it. We just have to decide whether to plant another tree in that spot or continue the row of hedges — fun decision!

And, of course, there's tomorrow's other big event: I begin the official prep for my colonoscopy! I went shopping for supplies tonight and am SO EXCITED — but I'll report in detail tomorrow. Stay tuned!

—Lady C, who fully plans to experience the world's most ladylike and elegant colon blow

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Y2 Day 20: Ben and Me

Today I had my long-awaited eye doctor appointment — my glasses look AWFUL. (The lenses are coated with something that keeps them from glaring in photos, but the coating's only guaranteed for a year or two, and I've had these glasses at least four years, so it's wearing off and makes the lenses look filthy.)

My vision has changed. For awhile now I've survived happily by wearing my glasses for distance and removing them when I need to see up close, but lately, after I've been reading close-up for a while, it then takes an hour or so for my eyes to be able to focus on distances again.

I knew that bifocals were in my immediate future, and I'd made my peace with it.

My beloved eye doc just retired so I met a new guy today, and he is so very Aspergery he cracked me up. No handshake, minimal eye contact, no chitchat — but honestly, I'm fine with that. Hi, Doctor, let's get right to the point! And actually, he was very kind and gave me great advice for getting used to bifocals. Step 1: Watch TV and read a book — up, down, up, down, from the safety of a chair. Step 2: Wear them in a grocery store — again, up, down, up, down, with a grocery cart to lean on. This strikes me as brilliant. Dr. Get to the Point is a genius.

I took my spanking-new prescription straight to the optical shop and tried on many, many pairs, and I'm quite pleased with what I settled on. I'm going to re-use my regular frames with just the prescription for distance (I think I'm going to want a "normal" pair), and then my bifocals will be these very cool rimless glasses, making my eyes more visible than they've been in years. And given how fancy I often get with my eye make-up, it will be nice to have it show!

Anyway. It will be an adjustment, but I feel okay about it.

In other aging news, I've been talking all day with my colonoscopy contact person; they were very slow to send me the prep info, and it turns out that I've been eating all the wrong things (fruit, nuts, salad, raw vegetables, popcorn — I hit 'em all!) for the past few days. She says I'll be fine, though, as long as I stick to the diet (MEAT and CHEESE, as far as I can tell) from here on and drink plenty of fluids. I'm just so excited, I told her. I wish I could start voiding now. She laughed and noted that that wasn't the usual patient response. I am totally going to be Miss Colon Congeniality!!!!!

I did zumba tonight and felt tired and ancient. I think I haven't been exercising enough, maybe. Or . . .  perhaps two glazed donuts and a cup of coffee were not the ideal pre-zumba dinner.

(I know. Don't yell at me! But after my health-oriented [but colon-troubling] lunch of poached salmon with salsa verde and arugula salad with roasted beets and goat cheese and only balsamic vinegar for dressing, I was so hungry by 4 p.m. and dying for something sweet and warm and chewy, and dear Husband went to Ohlin's and got a box of donuts. Yell at him.)

(No, don't, he's so sweet. Just — pray for us. That'd be good.)

I'm going to go watch the DVD that Husband made for my Uncle Bill's memorial service, and probably weep a little, and then I'm tub-bound.

What a crazy-busy week it's been! And it's only Day 2! Yowza.

Head-swimmingly yours,
Lady C

Monday, September 17, 2012

Y2 Day 19: Too Pooped to Blog — UPDATED with math and a birthday!

I did 17 errands plus more yard work today, and I think the cold that's been flirting with me for a week has finally declared its intentions. I need to get to bed, pronto.

More tomorrow, I promise!

xx Lady C

p.s. Here's a golden oldie for you: me at 14 with my family during a December 1996 reunion in Wewoka, Oklahoma. I'm sure that anyone looking at this nerdy Dorothy Hamill-wanna-be could see the glamour girl just bursting to get out. Right? Right?



Apparently I was too pooped to do addition as well. I was born in 1962, hence my 50th birthday this year, so this picture is from 1976 — the Bicentennial. Happy birthday, America! Believe it or not, I was even less attractive and more nerdy in the previous years (my grade 6 and 7 class pictures could scare small children); by ninth grade I was slooooowly moving out of my awkward age and then emerged — a swan! — in tenth grade.



Happy birthday to my dear friend the other Maybelline Queen! (though, she writes, "I have stepped up to Estee Lauder with [Sweetie's] yearly Macy's Gift Card." La di da!) MQ was my first besty when I worked at Planned Parenthood, and Bride Boy was the second. So many fun memories!! Anyway, please join me in raising a glass (or several) to a truly bodacious blonde bombshell!! 

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Y2 Day 18: Mommy and Martini Go to the Mall

I did a lot of things today, but shopping with my boy was definitely the highlight.

Church, frankly, was annoying. I need to wear a sign that says "DO NOT ASK ME TO DO ANOTHER FREAKING THING." I told Husband that I wanted to make a quick getaway (I was hungry, for one thing, which is grouchiness-inducing right there), but Li'l Martini was nowhere in sight — and I guess they frown on people leaving without their children. Fine. But it meant that I had to say three no's in a row, and I was quite sour on most of the world by the time we left.

Then I had to broach the topic of yard work with my offspring. We haven't done it in months, weeds abound, and our place would be right at home on Tobacco Road (from the outside, anyway, I am quite tidy indoors). We all hate yard work, which is why we never do it, and it pisses me off that I am always the one who has to declare that Today is the day, when I hate it just as much as everyone else. But today was the day; it was sunny and beautiful and not too hot, and we had nothing else on our dockets. (Except Husband; he's busily scanning 100 pictures of my Uncle Bill for the slide show at Bill's memorial service — he gets an honorable discharge). And oh, the whining and bitching and bellyaching I have to put up with! The sourness of my mood did not abate in the slightest.

The patio looks much better, though, after just one hour. And tomorrow we'll spend an hour in the front yard, and maybe I'll stop getting that sinking feeling when I pull into my driveway. (A feeling that I am very good at shaking off and forgetting the instant I step through my front door.)

To reward my yard-workers, I made pancakes for dinner, using my grandpa's excellent recipe, and I decided to one-and-a-half it so we'd have leftover pancakes for breakfast this week — and somehow I decided that one-and-a-half times two eggs equaled . . . six eggs.


I didn't fully triple the recipe, but I did my best to create a batter with the right texture, and the pancakes tasted fine. Still . . . that was a LOT of pancakes. And a lot of standing. And a lot of flipping.

And here's me going: I worked in the yard too. Where's MY freaking reward??

But jeans shopping with my boy, who sprouted several inches this summer, was a pure and simple joy. He's past the point where his jeans are "Medium" or "Large" — I actually have to make sense of those mysterious numbers on the waistband. Should you want to buy him a pair of jeans, he's a 29 waist and prefers "Regular" fit (as opposed to "Slim" or "Relaxed"). He also picked out a nice-looking button-down shirt, a jazzy hoodie, some classic black sweatpants, and a most excellent men's watch, which doubles as a stopwatch and has an alarm. We then stopped at Barnes and Noble for drinks and had a very merry time. He is such a sweetie!!

(Except when I'm asking him to do yard work.)

I'm now torn between taking a hot bath or climbing into my comfy bed and watching the rest of my Downton Abbey DVD, which is due back at the library soon.  Maybe I'll compromise with a hot shower before Mr. Bates . . . or with Mr. Bates . . . or involving Mr. Bates somehow . . . hee!

(Mr. Bates — world's unlikeliest sex symbol. Swoon . . .)

Sweet dreams, my friends!

—Lady C

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Y2 Day 17: Political Scientists at Play

So I'm all sad because J left, and believe me — Chore Day was not the cheerful distraction I needed! I guess it's good the house is clean (cleaner), but I still miss my friend.

I didn't take an early walk but I walked after doing chores, and then lifted weights and did my throw-downs. It felt good to sweat — but I still miss my friend.

Why can't all my friends come live next door to me????? Or in my basement????? That would be awesome.

Tonight Husband and I went to a party at his department chair's house; Husband is a tenured professor at Northeastern University's Political Science Department, and his colleagues include former presidential candidate Michael Dukakis. Husband was untenured when I met and married him, so it was a huge source of anxiety in our lives; where would we be living in a few years??? But it all worked out, obvs.

Anyway — given my new realization that I really generally dislike parties, I wasn't psyched about this one at all; I told Husband that I planned to sit in a corner and read (and I did in fact bring a book), and he said, "Whatever you need, honey, I will bring you drinks" — is he not the best?

But it turned out to be amazingly fun — mostly because I'd forgotten (because we haven't all gotten together in a while) that most of these people are very old friends whom I've known for 20+ years. And the ones I haven't known that long, the junior faculty, the kids — well, they're untenured, they're busy sucking up to me.

It is AWESOME to be the suckee instead of the sucker, I'll tell you that!!

And the food was sublime and the wine was plentiful, and I ended up having a truly magnificent time. And apparently we're having the junior faculty over to dinner in a few weeks. Oh, and I was also quoted as saying that I am my husband's geisha. You know — whatev. People say stuff. That's all I'm saying.

(OK, remember when I mentioned that I spilled a glass of water on my keyboard last night? It has taken me three days to type this much. Once again, I need a new keyboard. But this time, it's not the fault of alcohol!!!!)

(Um, progress?)

Tired now. Time for bathy!


—Lady C, suburban geisha

Friday, September 14, 2012

Y2 Day 16: Busy, Happy, Well-Fed

Second day of J's visit, and a whirlwind of activity!

First I had an interview for the math coach position I want — part-time, better-paying than other school jobs (albeit less than half what I make editing), fun, and will have me home in time to be here for the kids. The interview went very well, but there are six applicants for three positions, and my potential boss says, "You all seem great; I'm going to have to choose the first three who applied"  . . . and then didn't tell me whether I'm #1–3 or #4–6. I'll find out next week, I guess!

Then I updated the Policy Handbook I'm working on for church (the person I'm doing this with is very anxious and keeps wanting me to make tons of tiny tiny microscopic changes — whatev) and had a phone meeting with this week's editing client, who's both very sweet and very dopey; she had lots of questions for me about what I'd done, and I was a little nervous about having to go through every page with her and explain how editing works. But it was painless — and she really is very sweet.

Then I made three pies, two for our church's Pie Palace at Town Day tomorrow and one for us, and peeling all those apples and pears took some time. J came back about this point (she'd spent the day roaming Boston and Cambridge, trolling Memory Lane) and we had margaritas and put our feet up while the pies baked, and she sprayed our feet with Body Shop Peppermint Spray, which was lovely and refreshing. I called Good Neighbor Anne to come over and drink with us; she declined any hooch (I do not understand this) but we had a lovely visit. I love when friends from different parts of my life can meet each other!

J and I had dinner at one of my favey little Mexican places, where we enjoyed some tasty chiles rellenos and a pitcher of sangria rojo and talked and talked and talked, and wound up the evening sitting outside Starbucks, where I greeted half of Arlington and felt very popular. Which I may have mentioned to J sixty or seventy times, I forget.

For our final task of the night, I drove the route that I usually walk and J recorded my mileage. I now know that my walk around the 'hood is 2.35 miles. Respectable!

We're home now, eating apple-cranberry-pear-streusel pie (so. good!) and J is reading People. People and pie, what more could anyone want?

I am so sad she's leaving tomorrow — it has been an exquisite visit.

However, one may note a conspicuous lack of exercise and low-calorie eating in my reports of the last two days. I don't like to point fingers, but I think it should be clear to anyone that J is making me fat.

(I thought I had to babysit tomorrow but the family has been felled by a stomach bug — and the first thing out of my mouth upon hearing this news was, "I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow! Let's make pancakes!!" You see the problem, right?)

My plan is to get up earlyish and take a long walk (2.35 miles!) and sweat. We'll see . . .

TGIF! And Happy New Year — L'Shanah Tovah — to all who celebrate.

—Lady C

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Y2 Day 15: College Friends

I love and adore all my friends (as you all well know!), but there is truly nothing like a friend you've had for multiple decades. Having J here is simultaneously so fun and so easy. I haven't seen her for a couple of years, but honestly? It feels like a couple of days. We just pick right up where we left off. So! Fun!!!

And Husband is thrilled, because she's asking him lots of political questions and he gets to talk and talk, and she is riveted. (He really is interesting and engaging, I do know this — but it's good when my friends come to visit and he gets to talk to a nice girl who doesn't say, "Can you get to the point soon?")

I asked J if she wanted to contribute anything to my blog, but I think the sheer immortality of it all made her a tad nervous. She did say that visiting me is "highly recommended."

Just writing these few paragraphs has taken several hours; I keep stopping to (1) drink more wine, (2) deal with the glass of water I spilled all over my keyboard while gesturing enthusiastically mid-story, and (3) watch Glee. So I think I will stop now; we've had 49 drinks and it's time for bed. And tomorrow I have a job interview (I'll explain later) so must get a good night's sleep and be fresh and dewy and employable.


—Lady C

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Y2 Day 14: Anticipation!

Tomorrow my adored college friend J comes for a visit! I've known she was coming for a while now, but I've been too crazybusy to really stop and think about it — but today we talked on the phone, and now it's real and I am so excited!!! We've been friends since I was 18 and a dopey college freshman.* She always says she's amazed we're still friends, but I say, We're both awesome, why wouldn't we be? I am so so so psyched to see her.

However, I am counting on the "old friendness" of our friendship to make up for the fact that I have not deep-cleaned the house, nor asked Husband to mow the lawn, nor weeded the front garden, nor washed my car, nor stocked the cupboards with anything particularly tasty . . . and I also may have to work a little while she's here. But I am confident that I can make her some good coffee (or a good cocktail, depending on which side of noon we find ourselves) and point her toward my bookcases, and she'll be fine. I do have a kick-ass dinner planned for tomorrow night, and I am very excited to introduce her to Ward 8s, one of my favey cocktails, which I know she will love because it's very Manhattany, and she loves Manhattans.

Oh! We will have such fun!

We'd hoped to coax Zanzibar up from New Jersey, but our little hippie friend grew up to be a school superintendent (who'da thunk?!) and she has just a few things on her plate these first few weeks of September. Alas.

Back to our long-running drama, Days of Lady C's Uterus. Things are much calmer today, though I'm still bleeding like I've been stabbed. But I'm having only minor cramps, and that is huge. And my nose isn't running as much either, though I did sneeze 14 times — make of that what you will. (I think I'm allergic to my workspace.)

Since I had to miss zumba last night, I went to my old Wednesday night class, with all the elderly foreign ladies, and it felt so good to move and sweat and shake my groove thang. At the risk of sounding like a tampon commercial, there really is nothing better than exercise for cramps. Though Motrin and a bubble bath are a hot second.

Time to climb into the latter; I am one stinky girl.

My weight seems to be stuck again, but I'm ignoring it. This week and next are Xanadu, that's all; I can't put my mind toward anything but getting through each day and keeping all four Chardonnays alive. And if I've done that, I've done my job.

Time for bubbles — and the Fall Preview issue of TV Guide! I am one contented kitten.


—Lady C

* Also flirty, and a little drunky.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Y2 Day 13: Mutter, Mutter

Good news: My thyroid, blood sugar, and cholesterol levels, as well as my kidney functioning, get an A+. So . . . that is something.  


No, really, being fat and 50 with a diabetic mother, it is truly a miracle that I've continued to dodge the diabetes bullet — and I am grateful.

Mostly, though, I'm grouchy.

Turns out, removing an IUD sends a message to your body that you're no longer "pregnant," and my uterus is spring cleaning, trying to scrub every last bit of baby nourishment off its walls by repeatedly squeezing and unsqueezing like a ketchup bottle. And according to what I'm reading online, the whole process takes about a week, and the middle of the week is the worst. Which is today! I am crampy and clotty and disgusting. I just want to cradle my midsection and rock and keen, softly.

Instead, I worked on this week's editing job, a zippy report on suicides among American Indians and Alaska Natives. It's not well-written, and the client is a dope; I keep asking her simple, direct questions, which she routinely fails to answer. It would be entertaining if I were in a better mood.

Then tonight I had to miss zumba to attend a parent orientation at Mimosa's high school; I knew something was up when we had no trouble finding a parking spot and were the first ones there. This was the world's most (1) unnecessary, (2) pointless, and (3) boring meeting; Husband and I kept staring at each other in disbelief. My question is: How did everyone else know???? What signs did I miss???

Ugh. Ouch. Grouchy.

Time for a hot hot shower and then bed. I don't have a cold, I don't think, but my nose is running like Flo-Jo, it's the weirdest thing. Extra sleep will cure what ails me.

(I haven't reported on this, mostly because I forget, but I've been very good about not falling asleep to TV. I read my book till I get sleepy and generally turn my light off around 11. However, I can't say that I've noticed any difference in my metabolism! September's an exhausting month, though; it always takes a few weeks to catch my breath and get used to the new rhythm, and I'm definitely not there yet.)


—Lady C

Monday, September 10, 2012


I had my physical today, and at first it went very well. Yay, weight loss! Yay, low blood pressure! Yay, regular exercise, fresh veggies, and being a good role model for my daughter! I am a rock god.

And then . . . things took a turn.

"What's on your agenda?" my doctor cheerfully asked, and I showed her my less-bendy right knee, which sometimes pains me.

Turns out: ARTHRITIS.

Also, now that I've reached the magic age of 50, I get to have the best birthday present of all: COLONOSCOPY.

It's scheduled for the 21st, and I entertained the fam at dinner with imitations of what I expect to be like the day before (based on a very graphic tale once performed for me by Sister Hart's besty, Sally O'Malley).

And finally, though unrelated to my physical per se, I scheduled my long-needed eye exam and am fairly sure that my future holds new glasses, specifically, BIFOCALS.

I am trying hard to see the glamour in all of this, but so far . . . not so much. Holly Golightly never had no stinkin' colonoscopy — of this I am sure.

In other life news, this week I'm working with two fairly obtuse individuals on two different projects, one paying, one not.

I also think I'm catching a cold.

We did have a kick-ass dinner. I'd planned to make lentils and sausage but we didn't have any lentils (don't we seem like a household that would have lentils? We have every other legume in the world, practically) so I improvised and made a white bean-sausage-escarole medley instead, subbing in red leaf lettuce for the escarole, and it was fantastic. We also had Greek-style green beans, rice, fruit, and toasted muffins (I used half whole-wheat flour in my usual banana bread recipe, and it was great! We all scarfed them up. I am very psyched to find a new way to sneak in whole grains), and soon I will take a hot bath and drink hot drinks and go to bed early and pretend I don't have a cold, which often helps me stave off the nasty germies.

Arthritis. I can't even believe it. Next week I'll probably break a hip.

Creakily yours,

Lady C

p.s. Today I also had blood tests for diabetes, kidney function, and cholesterol; hopefully, there's some good health news in my future. I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Y2 Day 11: For the Love of the Cats

Crazybusy day!!

As planned, I arose at dawn and cranked out my hour-long walk. This is my 'hood route, not the bike path, so I'm not sure how long it is; I need to drive it and check the mileage. (I once had a pedometer, but it's long gone.) Then I came home and did wall press-ups and throw-downs, but to no avail; my weight is once again stuck at 252, no budging. Though given all the good food and hooch I enjoyed this weekend, that probably shouldn't surprise anyone.

Husband and I went to church, which was simultaneously a tad awkward (no one on the Parish Committee made eye contact with me, and I think I'm being punished for resigning) and wonderful (seeing so many friends after being apart for a couple of months). We do something called a Water Communion at our first Sunday back together in September, where everyone brings water from a place they visited this summer, and Kind Tina and the minister read aloud all the places the water is from. It sounds like it could be a huge snore, but it is surprisingly interesting and moving. I brought water from Mendocino, "my heart's home," and Husband brought water from the FDR Library in Hyde Park, New York. It's really cool to hear the places that had meaning for other parishioners.

During prayer, I decided that I would be overtly warm and friendly to all the ParCom folks, and if they decided to shun me, so be it. But I would take the high road.

Then I didn't see one of them.

After the service, our minister looked me squarely in the eye and said, "I'm trying hard to forgive you — but I do understand" and then she hugged me, so I think we're okay. I knew she'd be mad, at least at first, but I'm glad she understands.

After lunch, Mimosa and I did more school-supply shopping — us and half of Arlington, it was crazytown — and then bought some things at Whole Foods (namely, pickling salt; I have a bag full of pickling cukes and I want to try making half-sours), Walgreen's, and Starbucks. All told it took two hours, we saw three dozen people we knew, it was very fun and very exhausting.

And then we went to Margarita's restaurant in Medford for an event supporting Kitty Connection, the source of our three current cats. Fifteen percent of our meal (including hooch!) went to the organization, and we happily obliged by filling the trough repeatedly. It was total fun. Plus, I saw and recognized the woman who originally housed Annabel, our big grouchy girl cat, and it was killer fun to tell her how her rescued kitty turned out. (Read: big, grouchy.) We hugged. It was all very cool. And delicious! Margarita's makes outstanding fish tacos and guac, and I dined like a queen.

Sounds like I'm skipping Weigh In yet again. Oh, well! At least I exercised.

(I'm not sure I've ever done my walk before church before, but time-wise it worked out very well. Something to keep in mind for the future.)

Tomorrow I'm getting my yearly physical, and then hopefully no more doctor's appointments for a while. Except I desperately need new glasses and am also due for a full-body check at the dermo's. Oh, health — how much time you consume!

C'est la vie.

—Lady C, health maintainer

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Y2 Day 10: Pigs and Hooch

I hate Chore Day. No one in the entire world works as hard as I do, and everyone I live with is a filthy pig. Even the cats.

OK, that's harsh and totally not true, but that's my mindset on Chore Day.

And then I remembered — alcohol! I should always have a glass of wine or two when I do chores, I don't care that it's ten in the morning. Wine makes me mellow. Though today I was out of white wine (I always seem to have tons of red, but white tends to . . . evaporate) so instead had a Skinnygirl Margarita. Did the trick!

It was just an annoying day, and I know my weight will be up tomorrow, so I'm going to get up early and take a long sweaty walk before Weigh In. I know it's cheating, but see — if I know it's cheating, it's totally doesn't count as cheating. Right?

I just watched the final episodes of Buffy Season Two (such a good show!!!) and will now take a bath. I'm still bleeding after Thursday's IUD removal, so that makes nine straight days of bleeding. So. Fun.

At least my house is clean. And I have clean sheets to look forward to. And two awesome-sounding new books to read, The Meryl Streep Movie Club and Dare Me. And tomorrow church starts up after a summer off, and it's always fun to see everyone again. So — everything's fine, really.

I still hate Chore Day. I will have to remember to start drinking earlier next week.
At what point do you all show up for my intervention?

xx Lady Chardonnay, bathtub bound

Friday, September 7, 2012

Y2 Day 9: Secret Lunch Date

So, after all that, Mimosa didn't make the volleyball team. Coach Less-Peachy said that the other girls have been playing together for a couple of weeks now and are just more experienced. Which pisses me off — I saw them two days ago, they play like crap, and there's no way she's worse than they are — but she is perfectly calm about it, so I'm taking my cue from her. Also, she didn't get home till close to five yesterday, and that's how it would have been every day this fall, which doesn't leave much room for a life during her first semester of high school, and she says she's really interested in doing some clubs, like Drama, GSA*, and Newspaper, which sounds awesome to me. All is well.

Today I took a long walk and lifted weights, and then I did a good thing, moving my physical therapy stuff to the basement where my weights are, so now I can do the exercises I'm supposed to be doing for my wacky dislocating shoulders; I don't know why I didn't think of this before. But because I did that "extra" exercise today, I allowed myself to skip my core work. Bad, bad Lady C! I need to work my core. I dream of eradicating my stomach flap. The skin under my stomach flap is always moist — (ew) — and itches all the time, and I live in fear of developing a flesh-eating virus. And core work alone won't do it, but it will sure help.

Oh — and apparently: lose an IUD, lose three pounds. !!!!! I was back in the '40s this morning!!! I haven't been there in weeks. Even though I'm counting the days differently, I'm still going to do my official Weigh-Ins on Sunday or Monday, so we'll see if I can stay down for two more days.

Today Husband and I were both home, and I asked if he wanted to have a lunch date; he said yes. Then I asked if I could pick the place, and he said yes, which was brave and sweet; we don't always like the same foods. But I took him to Asian Fusion Hoody Doody, where you can get both Chinese and Japanese food, and I had the sushi I adore (plus some other stuff — I love lunch in a bento box!!) and he had Chinese chicken pepper something, and we were both very happy. And we kissed at the red lights (full disclosure: I was a teensy bit snockered on lunchtime chardonnay) and it was a very lovely and romantical time indeed.

I had a small dinner, pasta with sauce made from the tomatoes I got in our CSA share. I've never made my own tomato sauce before; it was tasty but very thin. I will have to read up on how to make it; I did this one just by instinct. When I fix the leftovers, I'll serve them in bowls with spoons. (The flavor was magnificent, I'll say that.)

Both kids had good first days of school and like most or all of their classes and teachers, but they are wiped. Martini's downstairs Skyping with Mr. Critic before wrestling starts, and Mimosa and I are going to hunker down with some more Buffy and maybe some frozen yogurt.

Next week, I have a big job and my beloved college friend J is coming to visit. Much to look forward to.


—Lady C

* Just curious how many of you immediately knew what this stands for. Husband guessed General Services Administration and Girl Scouts of America, which are perfectly good guesses, but it's Gay-Straight Alliance, where she will meet the coolest kids! I am way psyched that she thought of this.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Y2 Day 8: Gone Baby GONE!!!

For the first time in ever, I actually looked forward to getting weighed at my annual OB-GYN appointment this morning. I knew all my sweet office girls would cheer for me, which they did as I posed and preened. It was very cool.

And then my darling OB managed to find and remove my tricky IUD!!!!!! I could not be more excited. Also bloody and crampy, the experience was not what you would call "fun," but I will happily make this trade.

I am so hoping that Miss Tricky was the main cause of my ever-constant periods (meaning: ever-constant migraines) and that my cycle will freaking chillax already, but it will be three or four months before I know for sure.

In other news, both my babies started Big School today; Mimosa had her picture taken with Angel-Daughter, looking impossibly sophisticated, and then off they went to hook up with their femme posse and take the bus to high school. Then I trailed Li'l Martini down the hill and took his picture with Mr. Critic, and they were off as well, not even a kiss goodbye. Each pair has been heading off to school together since preschool — someday I'll put together a slideshow of all their First Days.

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in their minds
Each time I think I'm close to knowing 
They keep on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers . . .

OK, I held it together this morning but now I'm weeping. Copiously. ABBA is just that powerful.

I'm going to have a going-away party for my IUD now, just me, a handful of Motrin, a cup of tea, and a pillow. Want to come?

—Lady C, contraceptive-free since 11:15 a.m.!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Y2 Day 7: My Brilliant Day

6:30 a.m.: Wake with pounding migraine. Take drugs, apply cold wet washcloth to forehead, recline, pray.

7:10 a.m.: Rise, shower, note that migraine has not subsided. Eschew thyroid pill for fear of barfing it back up.

7:55 a.m.: Get in Honda (with glowing red battery light and death-wish alternator), cross fingers that it will start. It does. Keep fingers crossed that it will make it all the way to Grey-Patti Automotive. It does. Give Cutie-Patti my keys, begin A Long Walk Home. (Husband had to dash to Northeastern at dawn and couldn't help me. His day was terrible too, but he can write his own blog.)

Walk, walk, walk, trying not to barf, and dreading climbing my Big Hill.

8:15 a.m.: Spot Mr. C, former Dallin School principal and current neighbor, coming out of D'Agostino's Deli with a bunch of bananas; beg him for ride. He complies nicely enough, albeit with some puzzlement.

8:20 a.m.: Drink coffee, try to keep it down (the caffeine will help my migraine though the coffee may ravage my upset stomach — a trade-off). Sit and stare vacantly for next few hours while migraine meds finally, finally do their job.

10:30 a.m.: Address the situation with Big Red, which I didn't mention last night: On the way home from zumba, a light appeared on the dashboard: a golden-hued exclamation point! I hoped it meant that the car was excited. Alas. It means that the pressure is low in one of the tires, "which is highly dangerous and must be addressed immediately," cautioned the manual.

Li'l Martini (who desperately needs a haircut) and I headed to our local gas station to gauge the air pressure, which I don't actually know how to do, so I had to convey to the charming young African man with the huge smile and the tiny English-language knowledge what I needed. But he was great, quickly discerning that it was the back left tire that was the problem. However, we couldn't get it to hold air, and the stupid light wouldn't go off. I resigned myself to sending my boy to his first day of  middle school looking like Shaggy . . . but after we drove for a block, the light finally doused itself. Eureka! My day got much better . . . for a time.

Noon: Haircut, lunches, visit from Martini's besty HoneyBear, combing out Mimosa's freshly washed waist-long tangled red curls.

1 p.m.: Lie on bed (migraine meds make me sleeeeeeepy) watching Go, a foul-mouthed little gem recommended by Brunie. Great fun.

3:45 p.m.: Take Mimosa to the high school to watch her hopefully-future-team play volleyball (we both thought it would make a good impression on the coach if she showed some team spirit). Sit on dirty gym floor (my feet kept falling asleep), look spirited, root root root for the home team. It is unclear whether Coach Peach saw us.

4:45 p.m.: Drive to rental car place, return Big Red. Say goodbye to $250.

4:50 p.m.: Walk to Grey-Patti, three blocks away. Pick up my car. Say goodbye to $350.

5 p.m.: Arrive home, collapse with Diet Pepsi.

We're now going out to dinner, our Last Night of Summer Meal, and then we'll play a million games and then clip fingernails and clean ears and all that, and tuck two tuckered tootsie-pops into bed at a reasonable hour. And tomorrow — a great year of learning commences!

Or something like that.

Happy official last day of summer vacation!

—Lady C

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Y2 Day 6: My First Time

(Alterna-Title: Margarita vs. Zumba)

For whatever reason, since I started doing zumba I have been the Picture of Dedication. I've had to miss classes because of scheduling conflicts or actual illness, but that's it — I have never once flaked on a class because I was too tired or just didn't feel like going, despite being tempted to, many times.

But tonight . . . boy howdy, tonight I am beyond tempted.

The kids start school in less than 48 hours, I'm still driving this red behemoth (which presents its own kind of stress — parking and changing lanes are entirely new activities when you're driving something the size of Delaware), and today was consumed with getting children from one place to another, also a mammogram and ultrasound (they've been tracking these probably-benign nodules in Left Boob for a year or more now; today they determined that their size hasn't changed at all, so I'm likely cancer-free and don't have to come back for a year, so, yay!!), and I am simply exhausted.

Plus: I've already exercised some today, doing a practice walk to the middle school with Li'l Martini, up and down our big hill for 44 minutes, and then I lifted and carried heavy packages of cat litter; it's not like I was totally inert.

Plus: We just had dinner at our local Mexican joint, and I caved and had a margarita (which I've successfully eschewed for months now —but oh mamacita they are so so so good!).

And then I had another one. Hopping around doing zumba with a tummy full of tequila — oh, just grab the Maalox now.

Plus: I was wildly successful in my day of Practically Perfect Living, and this morning my weight was back at 252, aka My Starting Weight. (I'd been up to 259 during these vacation weeks of solid gluttony and sloth.)

Staying home, reading library books, watching Gravity Falls with my kids, taking a bath, getting to bed early . . . it all sounds so good.

*     *     *     *     *

I'd written all of this, then Husband came home and I proceeded to give him all my rationalizations and justifications . . . and then I thought, I don't miss zumba. Ever. If I can possibly go, I go. Because the world of rationalizations and justifications — it is a slippery slope, my friends.

I just got home, and I am sweating tequila and triple sec from every pore.

A life lesson, I guess.

Lady C, older, wiser, sweatier

Monday, September 3, 2012

Y2 Day 5: My Planned Day of Practically Perfect Living

So far I'm a perfect "10," me and Bo Derek. Mimosa and I arose early as planned; she ran her mile (faster, she says, than she ever has before — though she still can't run the whole thing, which somewhat troubles me) and I walked my almost-three, and we glowed with Pride and Accomplishment and, yes, Virtue. Then I came home and made the caramel-cashew bars, which are now in the oven, and I'm having a small healthy breakfast, which I shall log on Fat Secret presently. It's time to Get Serious about my eating again, after this month of gorgeous gluttony.

(This week's CSA share included a basket of nectarines, which have just fully ripened; they are so juicy and sugar-sweet, it's hard to believe that something this insanely delicious is also healthy! I'm eating one right now, and moaning a little bit. Really — they are insane.)

I'm going to go lift weights and do my "throw downs" (aka core work), then take my shower, then mend our always-in-need-of-mending hideous green couch and watch more Buffy. As soon as I have two (large) nickels to rub together, we are replacing that couch, which is the bane of my existence. It still works beautifully as a bed — the top-of-the-line air mattress we invested in is as plump and robust as ever. But the rest of the couch is in shreds, and it's not even comfortable to sit on — everything sags. I HATE my green couch.

(My flowered couch, in contrast, is as supportive and pretty as ever, since the kids don't tend to use it as a jungle gym. When we get the new couch, I won't even allow them to touch it. Floors were made for sitting, people.)

(They can just add this to the list of Topics for Certain Future Therapy. I'm fairly sure we're in double digits by now.)

We're invited to a picnic/party later. I hate picnics (eating outside? where the dirt is? when one has a perfectly nice dining room? Madness), but the day is somewhat overcast and looks like rain; I predict we'll be indoors. And it's a small party, only two other (quiet) couples, so Husband and I will likely dominate the conversation, which will either be lots of fun and we'll tell many entertaining stories and everyone will laugh till they're weak, or it will be draining and I'll get a headache and vow to never attend a party again; either seems possible. But I've got a bottle of seltzer chilling and I plan to drink that instead of wine, and I'll focus on salads and fruit as my main meal, and all will be well.

And Husband will be home in less than two hours, and our little family will be together again at last! It's been a while. Dinner at home as a family will be a lovely, lovely thing.

Off to live perfectly! I'll let you know how it goes.

—Lady C

p.s. My fingernails are bright teal with two thin green stripes on each. So cute! I am mesmerized by my own hands.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Y2 Day 4: Given All the Options, I Choose "Lazy"

 The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men

Gang aft agley . . .

Plan A: Rise early, walk and run and sweat, and set a healthy tone for the rest of the day.

Plan B (aka The Chosen): Stay up till 1:11 a.m. watching Buffy, sleep later than intended, allow daughter to sleep till 9-something, bag exercise entirely, and set a tone of indolence, sloth, and crap-eating for the rest of the day.

Seriously. My lunch was caramel corn. 

At one point today I ate a nectarine, and that's about all you can say for me. I feel fat and sluggish.

I did, however, take in three pairs of shorts (because I really am so much thinner despite my fat day) and tighten the straps on my newest bathing suit (which is also too big), and the kids and I cleaned the whole house (I even did Husband's chores!) and did a load of laundry, so it wasn't all navel-contemplation and high-cal foods.

Just . . . a fair amount.

Wow — 7:22 p.m. and it's near dark. The days are already so much shorter!

I'm going to take a hot bath and get to bed early, and tomorrow I will rise and greet the day with a brisk three-mile walk. That is my vow. I'm also baking caramel-cashew bars because we're invited to a Labor Day picnic — but I won't eat any, I am completely sweeted out right now. And perhaps I won't drink any wine either. Husband will be back; I expect to be intoxicated with happiness.

Man, Buffy is addictive. It should be a controlled substance. Who can stop at just one episode??

—Lady C, admitting she has a problem

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Y2 Day 3: Buffy Buffy Buffy!

We had a blast at Coco Keys, came home and ate popcorn and cheese and fruit and watched Goldfinger, I made the awesomest salty-sweet-spicy caramel corn (with chipotle and paprika and cumin), and now Mimosa and I are enmeshed in a Buffy marathon, so — short post!

She and I plan to get up at dawn and run/walk, but it's unlikely I'll hit my goal weight this week (see caramel corn, plus it's my womanly time — what can you do).

Back to Buffy. Grrr arggh!

—Lady Chardonnay the Bloody (as in Mrs. William the Bloody aka Mrs. Spike aka Mrs. Blondie Bear)