Monday, September 10, 2012

Y2 Day 12: I Am A HUNDRED FREAKING YEARS OLD

I had my physical today, and at first it went very well. Yay, weight loss! Yay, low blood pressure! Yay, regular exercise, fresh veggies, and being a good role model for my daughter! I am a rock god.

And then . . . things took a turn.

"What's on your agenda?" my doctor cheerfully asked, and I showed her my less-bendy right knee, which sometimes pains me.

Turns out: ARTHRITIS.

Also, now that I've reached the magic age of 50, I get to have the best birthday present of all: COLONOSCOPY.

It's scheduled for the 21st, and I entertained the fam at dinner with imitations of what I expect to be like the day before (based on a very graphic tale once performed for me by Sister Hart's besty, Sally O'Malley).

And finally, though unrelated to my physical per se, I scheduled my long-needed eye exam and am fairly sure that my future holds new glasses, specifically, BIFOCALS.

I am trying hard to see the glamour in all of this, but so far . . . not so much. Holly Golightly never had no stinkin' colonoscopy — of this I am sure.

In other life news, this week I'm working with two fairly obtuse individuals on two different projects, one paying, one not.

I also think I'm catching a cold.

We did have a kick-ass dinner. I'd planned to make lentils and sausage but we didn't have any lentils (don't we seem like a household that would have lentils? We have every other legume in the world, practically) so I improvised and made a white bean-sausage-escarole medley instead, subbing in red leaf lettuce for the escarole, and it was fantastic. We also had Greek-style green beans, rice, fruit, and toasted muffins (I used half whole-wheat flour in my usual banana bread recipe, and it was great! We all scarfed them up. I am very psyched to find a new way to sneak in whole grains), and soon I will take a hot bath and drink hot drinks and go to bed early and pretend I don't have a cold, which often helps me stave off the nasty germies.

Arthritis. I can't even believe it. Next week I'll probably break a hip.

Creakily yours,

Lady C

p.s. Today I also had blood tests for diabetes, kidney function, and cholesterol; hopefully, there's some good health news in my future. I'll keep you posted.

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