Friday, September 21, 2012
Y2 Day 23: Dance Ten, Colon Three
But today I got graded on my colonoscopy prep, and on a four-point scale, from Excellent to Poor, I got a Fair.
I am not happy. I don't know how I could have done their stupid prep any better.
Well, okay, I could have started it on Sunday, as required, if it didn't freaking take them till Tuesday to send me the instructions.
And yeah, I probably could have drunk more liquid following Cleanse #2, which I had to perform at freaking 3:00 in the morning and could barely keep my eyes open to swallow the required amount of Gatorade —WHICH, by the way, I TOTALLY DID.
I followed every stupid direction they gave me, except for summoning my ability to go back in time three days — and for this I get a grade of FAIR???
Husband says I'm taking this too hard and too personally.
I also endured a migraine today, the sure result of 24 hours sans coffee, and I checked in at the colon desk with a cold wet washcloth pressed to my forehead, looking, I'm sure, like a total drama queen (or a confused auditioner for Camille). It was a pretty miserable day.
Plus, I cried when they tried to put in my IV, which is always a nightmare with me, given my inability to hold either arm in any helpful position longer than 30 seconds. They ended up doing the IV through my hand and had to call in a ringer to do it.
Plus, I threw up. Several times. Before and after.
The prep, though? Other than the 3 a.m. thing, piece of cake.
And the colonoscopy itself? Totally slept through it. I had one polyp, which I'm fully expecting to be benign. They did not send me home with pictures, but I can live with that.
Post-colon, I headed straight for coffee, threw up in Starbucks, came home, tried to drink said coffee, realized instantly that anything I put in my mouth would be thrown right back up, put my head on the pillow around noon and didn't wake up till 3, when the kids came home from school. And I've been lying in bed all day watching excellent movies.
The things that are hard for me are so rarely the things that are hard for other people!
While searching for just the right image for today's post, I came upon a fine piece of writing that very much captures much of what I felt this week.
I am so glad it's over. When I do this again, five years from now, I will be armed with the knowledge I gleaned today, and I will get a freaking EXCELLENT.
That is all.