Monday, January 14, 2013

Finding Myself in PEOPLE

This week's cover story, titled "Half Their Size," is jam-packed with inspiring weight-loss stories. I was very intrigued by the "Before" pictures, in which women who weighed less than I did at my starting point nonetheless appear much larger than I think I looked. The difference appears to be height. I'm 5'8", much taller than most of the women in the article, which, apparently, makes a HUGE difference.

And I was also startled to see how many of them eat like crazy people: Tubs of frosting! Entire cakes! Whole pizzas! Two entrees!

I mean — where did you think this was heading, people?

I eat like a normal person, albeit a normal person who really really loves butter, cheese, and restaurant food, washed down with many glasses of wine. It always drives me crazy that I have the body of someone who lives on Doritos, Twinkies, and beer, when I eat such good food!

But I found myself on page 91, part of a brother-sister team. Michelle Larson is 5'7", her starting weight was 287, just like me, and her "Before" picture shows a nice big girl who is also smiling, made-up, and wearing a cute and flattering coral-colored shirt. This made me very happy; I am a big fat girl, for sure, but I also do my best to look as attractive as I can, and I'm exasperated by women who seem to have given up. I mean, it's their choice, of course, I'm not going to stop them on the street and demand to know what's wrong with them, but I do find it hard to fathom. In any event, Michelle has lost 97 pounds so far and wants to lose 40 more — and here's me, having lost 40 and wanting to lose 98 more. We are sistahs, Michelle and I! Except she's doing it faster, she lost her 97 in two years. She's also doing Weight Watchers, which I'm sure would help me do it faster too.

Oh, well. Michelle has nonetheless inspired me. Maybe I'll be on page 91 of next year's PEOPLE story.

But it wasn't a great day for me. I had a bad migraine and spent much of the afternoon huddled in my comfy green armchair, reading Entertainment Weekly (I spent much of the morning barfing). The good news is that my cold seems to have passed, which is awesome, but I still feel pretty much like crap on toast.

Some thoughts on this week in pop culture:
  • I'm intrigued by the actor they've cast to play Finnick in the next Hunger Games movie. I've never seen him in anything, which I'm glad of. Finnick is one of my favey characters; I already accept that the Finnick who lives in my mind will be different from the Finnick who lives onscreen (as in the case of Haymitch), but it's easier with an actor I don't already have a lot of preconceptions about (as in the case of Haymitch. Woody won me over, but it took awhile).
  • I have never seen a single minute of Girls, nor, for that matter, Breaking Bad or The Sopranos or Jersey Shore or The Big Bang Theory or anything about any Real Housewives living anywhere or any show about vampires in our time. I am hopelessly outside the zeigeist. And also, I don't have cable.
  • Emma Stone and Mandy Moore, two natural blondes, both look better when they color their hair. Red and brown hair, respectively, suit them. Blonde washes them out. Your mileage may vary. (Spellcheck doesn't like "blonde" but I prefer that spelling to "blond." I have the same issue with "catalogue," my pref, and "catalog." Spellchecque, accept the optional ending e for heaven's sake! It's not hurting anyon.)
  • I'm thinking of Mandy Moore because of EW 's snarky comment about Jessica Simpson: "Simpson starts the year in a sad but familiar place: The third-most-famous blond pop star of the early 2000s is now the third-most-famous pregnant woman of 2013." Hee! (I am no Jessica fan, so perhaps I took too much pleasure from this.) It took me a second to remember the other two blond pop stars — oh! Britney and Christina! And Mandy completed the quartet.
  • I'm psyched for the Sandra Bullock-Melissa McCarthy buddy-cop movie. If someone made a movie about me and Brunie road-tripping around Minnesota for the Betsy-Tacy Conventions, I think we would be played by Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. (Dibs on Melissa!!)
  • On Friday, June 28, reserve a parking spot at the drive-in for the Chardonnays! Two words: Kick-Ass 2!!! O I am such a bad mother. But we enjoyed the heck out of Kick-Ass the original. (Which reminds me of the time we saw the preview for Steve Coogan's Hamlet 2. Li'l Martini piped, "That looks awesome! Let's see that, and also Hamlet I!")
Ugh, it is time to be well! Today was beautiful and balmy, a perfect day for an outdoor walk, and I had the energy and stamina of a dog biscuit. And I'm a little worried, because the last time I had such a bad migraine I woke up with a headache on Day 2 as well. But I will drink lots of water, get to bed early, and think good thoughts; what else can I do?

Thinking good thoughts,

Lady C


  1. I hope that your headache is completely gone! I'm always amazed by those Us Weekly weight loss articles. I'm extremely frustrated, however, with the "Learn how to get Kim Kardashian's Body!" articles when the ultimate solution is to eat $80 a day delivered food and work out for 2 hours every day with a personal trainer. I'm broke! Don't they realize that!?!

    1. Yeah, really. I always loved Sarah Jessica Parker for saying, "Honestly, I look the way I do because I can afford to have lots of people help me look this way and because I'm genetically lean, and that's simply not true for everybody." God bless her!

      My headache is all gone, and I hope you're "enjoying" Week 1 of Weight Watchers!