Friday, March 7, 2014

Up the Down Staircase and Back Again

As Red Skelton once said, "I dood it!"

(Red Skelton??? Good lord but I am old.)

I survived my first day as a substitute teacher, and it was a blast!

Granted, I lost my class once, all 24 of 'em. They trooped downstairs for recess, two whole flights, and I'm still Hopalong Cassidy (yet another ancient reference — as if I have ever seen either vintage gentleman perform in anything! Yet this is where my mind goes), hobbling slowly behind them, and by the time I reached the ground floor . . . they had disappeared. And I don't know this elementary school well, I had no idea where recess occurs. So I went to the office:
  • Me: Um, my class just went to recess.
  • Office Lady: You're supposed to be out there with them!
  • Me: Yeah. Where are they?
  • Office Lady: On the playground!
  • Me [shrugging elaborately and looking moronic]
  • Office Lady: Ohhhh. Down the hall, turn right by the cafeteria.
Truly, it takes a special skill to lose an entire class.

But otherwise this was the best first sub gig ever because the teacher was actually at the school the whole time; she just had to keep ducking out to tend to the new-teacher group she was mentoring — so I really couldn't break her class too badly, despite my best efforts. In fact, I spent a fair amount of time in the teachers lounge reading my book, because no one else had any projects for me. For this, I made $75.

In the grand scheme of things it is a small sum indeed, but if I do it four more times, I'll have paid off my airplane ticket.

(Did I mention that I'm flying to California next week? So many of my friends have recently lost parents, and it's made me hyper-aware of the fact that I'm 51 and still have both Mom and Dad; I need to spend time with them now. I told Mom this, and she said, dryly, "We'll try to stay alive till next week." In the background, I heard Dad: "No guarantees." Oh, they're a funny pair.)

Anyway, even though today was a pretty atypical assignment, I think I'm going to love it. My third-graders were adorable, and so helpful! 

But in other life news, my knee still troubles me, I haven't been able to exercise, and my weight isn't budging — though my other Tam-related symptoms are slowly, slowly normalizing. (I just had a monstrous period and a two-day migraine, so The Menopause remains a far-off dream . . .)

Whatev. I've had leg injuries before, and they do eventually heal — and my physical therapy definitely helps, I always feel so much better afterward. I'll just keep on keepin' on and call my doc when I get back. It may well be time for a cortisone shot, who knows.

Anyway. I'm trying to get back in the habit of more regular blogging, and this quicky update will do for now. I'm also wiped from my migraine medicine (yep, the second of the two besieged days was today; at 9 a.m. I was in the teachers lounge clutching my head and trying not to barf up my meds — fortunately, it quickly passed), so hot bath and early bed are in the forecast for this Lady.

One of my grade 3 kids colored a picture of the Cat in the Hat's hat for me and wrote "Thank you for teaching us, Mrs. Chardonnay!" I am swoony over the cuteness!!!!


— Mrs. Lady Teacher C


  1. Yay! And your name isn't funny in any way, so those kids can't call you Mrs. Shark-o-bay, or Snark-away, She-do-bray, or anything. Gold star for you!
    Mrs. Cynicletary