Monday, March 31, 2014
Walking the Yellow-Brick Labyrinth
So I walked the labyrinth, this twisty path painted on a church floor in Medford, holding one question in my mind: "How can I help my daughter be happier?"
And when I came to the end (it's a long, steady process), I had my answer — though it wasn't the answer I'd been hoping for.
In short: I can't.
Hey, I was a moody, introverted 14 year old. What could my mother have done to make me happier? Nothing, really. I just needed her to love me and be nice to me and be there for me — but I had to get through it myself, and so does my daughter.
And she's mostly through it. She's way better, anyway, though we still have some dark moments.
Last night I went with my former OWL class, the kids I taught sex ed to, and it was so great to see them again!! I loved sharing this experience with my sweeties. This time my question was, "Why am I not devoting more time and effort to losing weight, when it is the thing I want most?"
And again, I got an answer that surprised me.
The answer was: "Because it's not the thing I want most."
Sure, in an overarching Life Goals kinda way, yes, being thinner and being healthier are right up there with getting my novel published. But in a day-to-day choices kinda way, work (including volunteer work) and family are way more important to me, and I structure my day to make sure I do everything I want and need to do in those two areas. I also make sure I do something fun and soothing for myself (take a bath, read a book, watch a movie or TV show) every day, so I don't feel like a martyr. And I would not give up any of that for a chance to lose a pound. If I can squeeze in exercise and food-logging, I will and I do — but not at the expense of work commitments or family time.
Probably some of you are saying, "Duh," but it was a revelation to me.
Labyrinths are amazing!
In other news, I've got a little pile in front of my computer again, so let's see what I've hoarded here.
As I've mentioned a million times, I love taking quizzes, and this month's Good Housekeeping offered me "How Easily Can You Let Go?" I rocked this one! Even though I am not remotely easygoing, nonetheless, after a squazillion years of therapy, I am very good at not stewing over things I have no control over.
Which leads me to another Good Housekeeping gem. You may remember that I have — ahem! — well-formed opinions about party-guest etiquette (Writer Jenny delighted me by quoting from my list of expectations at my recent Hollywood Game Night), including that potluck contributions should require nothing from me; bring your own serving dish, in other words; don't make me have to take care of you, adult guest. Brunie will be happy to hear that etiquette maven Peggy Post says "Potlucks are informal — hosts should take unexpected activity in the kitchen in stride."
I'm adding "potluck party guests in the kitchen" to my list of Things I Have No Control Over. Officially letting go now. ☺
Hey, want to read something funny? A Betsy-Tacy friend directed me to 16 Classic Children's Books Retold for Adults. Here's a sample from my most-loathed children's book, The Tree Who Loved Its Abuser (A Child's Guide to Sado-Masochism):
In two weeks I'm auctioneering at our biannual church auction, and I plan to wear the fairly revealing dress that Mrs. Cynicletary gave me for my birthday last year. I haven't lifted weights since I injured my knee four weeks ago, so today I'm starting a modified 14-day Boot Camp, mostly focused on my arms. Arms are awesome in that they respond quickly to attention, so I'm feeling positive. Weights! Wall push-ups! And register for zumba again, I still haven't done that — these are my goals for today.
(Walking the labyrinth did aggravate my knee a little — arggh. Ready to be healed!!!!)
— Lady C