Sunday, May 4, 2014

Disappointing Decisions, On All Sides

I had a great run with my Baby Boot Camp this week, but come the weekend I collapsed into my comfy green chair with a bottle of cold Chardonnay and a straw and have barely emerged.

Actually, that is such a lie, I have been crazy busy getting things ready for my church's Annual Meeting (which I've been grooming potential leaders for all year), also Mimosa performed twice at Town Hall, also I led a half-hour Brief Briefing at church and got Li'l Martini to and from a birthday party and used my two home-equity credit cards three times each and cleaned my house and did three loads of laundry and talked to Mom every night . . . but I didn't exercise or eat particularly well, and I did in fact empty at least one wine bottle, possibly more.

Here's the sitch: Dad has elected to do radiation only, not chemo. He is weighed down with exhaustion and doesn't feel up to the side effects. He is electing quality over quantity of life.

I am very clear on whose decision this is, and it is one hundred percent not mine. Having said that, I will admit that I am very disappointed; I wish that he would just try it and see how it goes. That's what I would do.

But, and but. I'm relatively young, with young kids; he is 80; he's lived a good, long, full life; he doesn't quite have the same solid tether to this Earth that I do.

And, I'm also clear that this is what he's decided today — today, when he's only had one radiation treatment and still isn't feeling all that great. When he's completed the radiation and is feeling less exhausted, perhaps he'll change his mind.

And, my parents live in California, and guess what's legal in California? I called Mom last night and said, "Get him some ganja! reefer! Mary Jane!" Their down-the-street neighbor is growing a backyard full of it. I'm intrigued by the fact that you don't even have to smoke it!

Well, we'll see. One day at a time continues to be our mantra.

I am just so exhausted. Back to the green chair, I think.

Thank you again for all your kind words and loving support.

xox
Lady C

p.s. Here's an example of how awesome my friends are. One of the Sleek Suburban Moms is heading up Teacher Appreciation at the middle school and put out a call for desserts, and I signed up to bring caramel-cashew bars. She immediately e-mailed me:
Ms. Lady . . . I hereby absolve you of any obligation to bake a damn thing!* You got other stuff going on, darlin'.
xox
* unless you find it therapeutic!
I wrote back:
I have done almost exactly nothing for Ottoson, and it will make me so happy to do this. But I'm bringing it to your house the night before, because I'm subbing the next day. I am a SUBBING DEMON.

The thing I'm absolving myself from is helping with the POPS concert this weekend. I will be the princess girl who sits and eats dessert plated by others and says, "My dad has cancer! I'm not moving a single chair! Bring me another grape!"

Thank you, though, for your loving care. I appreciate it so much!
Her response:

XOXOXOXOX
My friends are the best!!

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