Saturday, May 24, 2014

It's Happening Fast

Dad is dying, literally, right now. Rather than five months, which was his prognosis, we've barely had five weeks. I was due to get home on Wednesday, and Mom told me not to change my plane ticket, but I thought, no, if I have a chance to say goodbye to him (even though he's barely there at this point), I would like to. So I have a new ticket for 7 a.m. tomorrow, and Priceline kindly canceled my original rental car reservation (which is amazing; they are very stern about "Unchangeable! Unbreakable! Irrevocable!" But I told the guy my dad was dying, and he could hear the tears in my voice, and he was just so kind).

I called Mom back and told her I'd be there tomorrow, and I could hear the relief in her voice. She's been so brave, and she has lots of people with her now, but she wants her girl.

Youngest brother and I have patched things up; he's still an ass, but I'm trying hard to cut  him some slack.

Other brother, in contrast, packed up his wife and son to go to Wisconsin for Memorial Day weekend to see the other grandparents.

I am LIVID. What is he thinking???????

But I will try to let go. I believe we're all doing the best we can, and his best is simply limp and crappy, that's all. He will have to live with it.

I had a long talk with my dear old friend J last night, who lost her sweet dad a few years ago, and she really helped me wrap my mind around it all. I never wanted this day to come, never, never — but there's nothing I can do about it. Dad had a good life, he was a great guy, beloved far and wide, and he and I have a wonderful relationship. Probably I will have more to say about this, but that's what I'm thinking about right now. I don't need to see him, there is no unfinished business between us — I would just like to. Mom held the phone to his (unresponsive) ear, and I said, "Daddy, it's Lady — please hang on till tomorrow, because I would like to see you and give you a hug and kiss."

But it's out of my hands, and I know this.

I can't wait to be home.
xox Lady C

6 comments:

  1. I am sending you and your family much love and sympathy. I'm here if I can ever be of help. -- SDF

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    1. Thank you, sweetie, I appreciate it so much. xx

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  2. Sending you so much warmth and love right now, Lady C. My heart is breaking for you and your family, but you will be in my every thought and prayer.

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    1. Thank you, my dear friend -- your kindness means the world to me. xx

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  3. Hugs and sympathy...I'm so sad to hear this. But good that you don't have unfinished business. I'm sorry you all have to go through this hard time.

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    1. Thank you, honey. Yes, I am lucky that everything was good between us — nothing but love and gratitude at the end. xx

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