My birthday is Monday. I will be 53.*
I have always loved my birthday — an entire day devoted to the celebration of me, me, ME!!!!
And I do still like that idea, in theory. But last year, when my dad's death was still so fresh, I didn't want a party or any hoopla — and this year, honestly, I feel kind of the same way. I don't think it's about my dad, per se; I just want a chill celebration.
Partly, I think, I'm a little birthdayed out. Mimosa's Big 18 was super fun but also took a lot out of me.
And also: Li'l Martini will be at sleepaway camp for an entire week, and this is a Heaven-sent opportunity for me to do something I've been dying to do for a year or so: upgrade his bedrooom from little-boy room to almost-man cave. His baby-blue walls will become navy blue. His third-grade desk will become a proper computer table (big enough for his computer and something else in addition, like homework). He will have an actual guitar stand for his guitar, rather than have it float aimlessly around his room. All the toys and things that he no longer plays with that are taking up valuable space will be neatly packed in bins, labeled, and stored in the basement.
I am SO excited about this!! I plan to go to Ikea and Home Depot tomorrow to get the furniture and paint, prep the walls Sunday night, and start painting on Monday . . .
. . . i.e., my Birthday.
It will be a totally fun day! Just . . . slightly different from the usual. But fun nonetheless.
Every year on my birthday I make a goal to focus on for the upcoming year. When I turned 50 I decided to be more mellow. At 51, my goal was to stand on the side of love (i.e., when faced with a decision, to make the most loving choice). I actually can't remember last year's goal (was it forgiveness?) – it's possible I didn't make one. (Maybe it was simply to get through the year in a way that honored my dad.) This year's goal will be a challenge for me, but I'm excited about it. Sort of. Excited and also a little nauseous.
My goal is:
I believe I have mentioned that I hate parties. I have a fairly sturdy case of social anxiety, and I am the queen of either making excuses not to attend or saying that I will attend and then backing out at the last minute. But this year — and for just this one year! — if I don't have any other plans, I am going to say YES. I will muster my wits and attend social events.
Unless it's something hideous like a kayaking party, which I did just get invited to.
I keep thinking: It must be a typo. Lynne must have meant another Lady, or another Chardonnay.
I don’t even like to go *outside*. Or sweat. Or move, really, at all.
But thank you so much for thinking of me! It’s always nice to be invited to a party, even if it’s the most horrifying-sounding party I can imagine.
lots of love,
Lady C [an indoor kitty]
Lynne assures me that the next event will be something like community theater. Thumbs-up from me!)Off to take a bath. I'm really only blogging to pass some time; I just started the dishwasher, and I like it to be closer to the end of its cycle before I start the bath water. I'm reading four excellent books and also have a stack of magazines — such riches!
I plan to photo-document the transformation of Li'l Martini's room — stay tuned!
— Lady C, on her antepenultimate day of being 52
* A conversation with Mrs. Cynicletary, my usual birthday lunch partner — we have rescheduled for the 14th, when I expect to be fully done with the room and ready to partay:
- Me: Thanks, doll — looking forward to it. Fifty-whee, fifty-free, fifty-three!
- Mrs. C: Yay to late lunch on the 14th! Fifty-gee! Fifty-we! Fifty-knee, oh wait.
- Me: Fifty-pee.
p.s. Here's a little something-something for Lady Darcy: