I woke naturally at 8:30 this morning, no alarm clock, no yowling cats (a small miracle!), and it was a quiet joy to pad downstairs (painfully — my knees are killing me) with nothing more strenuous on my immediate docket than coffee, cat feeding, and e-mail. Today is Chore Day, of course, and I will take down some Halloween decorations — all good — and this afternoon I have an outing planned with dear Brunie. Nothin' but good times ahead.
And then I sat down at my computer with my coffee, and my Actual Usual Real Day began:
- It's time to pay my car loan bill. I tried to log in to my online account; it is frozen for some reason, so I will have to call someone and deal with this on Monday.
- Two other big bills are due on Monday, and I don't have enough cash to cover them. I continue to dance with my lousy partner, Debt and Credit, and the financial future looks bleak.
- I need to find a new therapist for Mimosa, ideally one who takes our insurance. The good news is that you can search online for therapists in my geographical area who take Blue Cross Blue Shield (though I must further subdivide between BCBS HMO and BCBS PPO, only one of which will work for me, and that requires a phone call or e-mail), but the search produces a long list of names and faces, all of whom are strangers. I will have to send dozens of e-mails and set up many initial appointments to find one who's the right fit, yada yada yada. I told Mimosa that she has to sit with me while I do this, but finding time that we're both available (and I have mental energy) is surprisingly difficult! She is a busy little pumpkin — as am I.
- No response yet to my latest job application. All I want is a regular part-time second job to supplement my editing (which has been light of late), and I am barely able to net a phone call in response to my efforts, let alone an interview.
- The last agent who read my first novel gave me extremely discouraging feedback, which I suspect is balls-on accurate. I am sad and depressed. My sweet old-fashioned book is pretty much dead in the water unless I make some major changes, I fear.
- I currently chair the Religious Education Committee at my church. Almost nothing has been done to/with our website in several years, as it has been the lowest priority of the people running the program. The sheer tonnage of the work ahead of me is wearying. I should take it bird by bird, I know, but right now all I can see is the entire aviary.
- "Write D.C. travel diary" and "Begin college financial aid application process" have been on my to-do list and pile since the beginning of time. I am oppressed by their presence.
- The bills grow ever larger, and my pool of paying work is suddenly very small. I keep reaching out and checking in and job-searching and applying, and I don't know what else to do!
- My knees hurt hurt hurt and I just get fatter and fatter. I am old and tired and discouraged.
- Someone needs to go grocery shopping!!
- I sent 14 e-mails this morning so far — accepted a subbing job, dealt with some committee stuff, paid a bill, rescheduled a fun breakfast date, followed up with two book agents— and yet the pile and list before me remain enormous. I feel like I removed a microscopic chip from a towering iceberg.
Time for chores. At least that is something definite I can accomplish, even if the effects are fleeting.
— Lady C
p.s. In happier news, here's me as a Peanuts character:
All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well. This is my mantra. I just need to keep repeating it!