Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Defying Gravity

Wow, it has been a while!!

The big mess that's been going on in my life since December (actually earlier, but it became more concrete in December) has finally been resolved, with the help of a lawyer, the Office for Civil Rights, and many long and increasingly agitated phone calls and e-mails with my nearest and dearest. I would love to say that this long period of stress paid off in weight loss — oh, how I would love to say that.

But it did not. Nothing kills my appetite, man.

Since January 2014, when I began taking Tamoxifen to prevent breast cancer, several things in my life changed:
  • Arthritis in both knees
  • Artificially induced menopause (brought on by the Tam)
  • Death of my adored father
In short, I was suddenly in pain all the time, my body began acting like a stranger — a large, lumbering, flatulent stranger — and I was brought down by grief. I could no longer do zumba, the exercise I love, and it all made me very depressed.

And slowly, slowly, every one of the 40 pounds I'd managed to shed from my body found their way back to me. Once again I am weighing in at 288, the weight I was when I started this blog lo these many years ago, just seconds away from 300 pounds. Once again, I want to lose more than 100 pounds, only this time I can't do my favorite exercise and I'm menopausal — a period of life that is not known for being conducive to weight loss.

But what else can I do? I know that my wretched knees will feel better with less to carry — that is simply logical.

So I've begun again.

Tai chi was not for me, and walking hurts my knees. The only cardio exercise I can stand to do is riding the stationary bike, so I did that last night for 20 minutes — and for the first 15, all I did was contemplate death. ("Death by Crotch Pain," what a way to go.)

Then "Defying Gravity" came up on my iPod, right at the moment that my endorphins or whatever kicked in, and the last five minutes were quite pleasant.

(And it gave me the title for this blog post. There will always be things to pull me down. Today, I will try defying them. Tomorrow — well, I'll worry about that tomorrow.)

However, bike-riding does not bring me the joy that zumba brought me, so once again I'm trying something new: Deep Water Challenge, a twice-weekly exercise class that promises to be "a high-intensity workout without the stress on the joints and bones." Even better, Mimosa is taking it with me! For many reasons, she stopped doing karate this year, and she needs to move her body. This will be a fun thing to do together before my cherub leaves for college. Our first class is April 5, and while I'm not "excited" about it, exactly, I'm really glad we're doing it.

I also lifted weights last night and worked my core, and it is just astonishing how out of shape I am! And sad, too — I actually enjoy weight lifting, and I love the feeling of being strong, and nothing about it hurts my knees. Why did I stop?????

Arggh! I am my own worst enemy, I know this.

I'm also back to logging my food on Fat Secret. This week, I'm simply going to try to have smaller portions. My next goal will be to cut back on restaurant meals, my personal Waterloo, but one thing at a time.

Baby steps! Even though I'm impatient, I know this is the way to go.

And hey! I've already lost a pound! 138 to go. No problem.

Nice to be talking to you again, my friends.

— Lady C

p.s. Here's what I'm reading:

And what I'm watching:


So far I liked Season 1 better, but Season 2 is growing on me. Time will tell.


  1. Yea! So glad you're back! The water workout sounds perfect. And if you look on the bright side of all of this--I can no longer harass you about walking with me. Those physical woes get you off the hook. Personally, I can't stand the bike--my crotch can't take it. Must prefer the elliptical on my non-running days. xo

    1. I had to buy a special seat from the Derri-Air company, and that helps a lot. My goal is to take off enough weight so that I can walk without pain and you can nag me again. Something to live for!


  2. I am jumping about like a happy puppy to see blog posts from you again!

    Also, I am glad for you that the Wretched Mess, whatever it was, has been resolved.
    And I am with you, alas, in the frustration that carrying heavy emotions & thoughts doesn't burn calories yet increases desire for comfort food?
    I too am committing to moving the old bod again though, now that it's "spring" (quote marks because it's actually snowing this moment here in Mpls, but nonetheless days are longer and brighter, and we've had some warm days too).

    On we go!

  3. P.S. I took a long bike ride for the first time this season, just last week, and -ow! Squahed bum pain!
    But I know from experience the nether regions gradually adjust and hurt less.

    1. Happy to be back! And yes, I hear you re: the squashed bum. But you're right, it does get better, or at least that's what I remember. You'll be happy to know that "Don't Give Up On Us, Baby" was the last song I listened to before climbing off the bike — the sweet mellow-luciousness of David Soul got me through the last three minutes! And yes, I do remember my promise to serenade you with this classic ditty when I'm next in Minnesota.

    2. Me (Fresca) again--
      LOL--I have not given up on hopes of hearing you sing "Don't Give Up on Us" IN PERSON! :)

      Also--just the other day I heard that my YWCA now offers Zumba *water* aerobics! Good for "Silver Ladies" (with an arthritic knee, in my case)!

  4. I just picked up Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend (and Grand Hotel) at the library today.

    Exercise, shmexercise. I'm pretty much wearing a muumuu as I type this!

    1. Ugh — I dropped Grand Hotel and Kitty Foyle after about five pages each. A bestseller in the 1930s...doesn't always translate, I guess. Broken Wheel was fine but could have been 100 pages shorter. Let me know what you think!

  5. Hey! I've checked periodically, but apparently the last time was just BEFORE this post. Very happy to read you again. I am inspired by and agree with your resolve to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. My only sadness is that I really want to go to lunch with you and this will counter your mission to cut down on restaurant meals! Maybe we could get together and wave our arms in the air rhythmically (lack of pressure on knee joints) instead, but somehow it doesn't sound as fun! Anyway, here's me cheering you on - go, go, Lady C.! -SDF

    1. Hee! I can totally have lunch at a restaurant; I will just make good choices. (in theory, anyway) Let's make a plan!

    2. Your wish is my command! --SDF