Wow, it has been a while!!
The big mess that's been going on in my life since December (actually earlier, but it became more concrete in December) has finally been resolved, with the help of a lawyer, the Office for Civil Rights, and many long and increasingly agitated phone calls and e-mails with my nearest and dearest. I would love to say that this long period of stress paid off in weight loss — oh, how I would love to say that.
But it did not. Nothing kills my appetite, man.
Since January 2014, when I began taking Tamoxifen to prevent breast cancer, several things in my life changed:
- Arthritis in both knees
- Artificially induced menopause (brought on by the Tam)
- Death of my adored father
And slowly, slowly, every one of the 40 pounds I'd managed to shed from my body found their way back to me. Once again I am weighing in at 288, the weight I was when I started this blog lo these many years ago, just seconds away from 300 pounds. Once again, I want to lose more than 100 pounds, only this time I can't do my favorite exercise and I'm menopausal — a period of life that is not known for being conducive to weight loss.
But what else can I do? I know that my wretched knees will feel better with less to carry — that is simply logical.
So I've begun again.
Tai chi was not for me, and walking hurts my knees. The only cardio exercise I can stand to do is riding the stationary bike, so I did that last night for 20 minutes — and for the first 15, all I did was contemplate death. ("Death by Crotch Pain," what a way to go.)
Then "Defying Gravity" came up on my iPod, right at the moment that my endorphins or whatever kicked in, and the last five minutes were quite pleasant.
(And it gave me the title for this blog post. There will always be things to pull me down. Today, I will try defying them. Tomorrow — well, I'll worry about that tomorrow.)
However, bike-riding does not bring me the joy that zumba brought me, so once again I'm trying something new: Deep Water Challenge, a twice-weekly exercise class that promises to be "a high-intensity workout without the stress on the joints and bones." Even better, Mimosa is taking it with me! For many reasons, she stopped doing karate this year, and she needs to move her body. This will be a fun thing to do together before my cherub leaves for college. Our first class is April 5, and while I'm not "excited" about it, exactly, I'm really glad we're doing it.
I also lifted weights last night and worked my core, and it is just astonishing how out of shape I am! And sad, too — I actually enjoy weight lifting, and I love the feeling of being strong, and nothing about it hurts my knees. Why did I stop?????
Arggh! I am my own worst enemy, I know this.
I'm also back to logging my food on Fat Secret. This week, I'm simply going to try to have smaller portions. My next goal will be to cut back on restaurant meals, my personal Waterloo, but one thing at a time.
Baby steps! Even though I'm impatient, I know this is the way to go.
And hey! I've already lost a pound! 138 to go. No problem.
Nice to be talking to you again, my friends.
— Lady C
p.s. Here's what I'm reading:
And what I'm watching:
So far I liked Season 1 better, but Season 2 is growing on me. Time will tell.