Sunday, August 7, 2016

Tsk. [Updated for clarity!] [And updated again with more "Tsk!"]

My dearest darling friend Inspirational Kathy just wrote me the saddest note:
I am sorry/grateful that you are overworked, leading to a loss in volume of your blog. 
Kathy is missing me! The least I can do is write a little something-something.

This week's headline: My Doctor Is Not Happy with Me.

She "tsked" at my hurt knee and my non-care of it.

[NEW!] She "tsked" at my admission that, on occasion, I talk on my cellphone whilst driving.

Note: This is perfectly legal in Massachusetts! Also: She did not ask about my safe driving record, which might have been more relevant. She was pleased to hear that I always wear a seat belt. And also, that I don't smoke, though the two are possibly not related. Just, we're on the topic of good habits. Don't worry, we don't stay here long.

She "tsked" at my swollen feet and told me to eat less sodium.

She "tsked" at my weight gain and general lack of exercise.

She "tsked" LOUDLY at the three daily glasses of wine I've imbibed pretty much all summer.

[I blame Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc. While I am forever true to Mr. Kendall Jackson and his divine chardonnay, sauv blanc is a summer drink. Oyster Bay goes down like water. It's smoooooooth.]
Note of clarity: Her objection, as stated to me, was the calories. She did not say, "Three glass is two too many, ya big lush!" She did not say, "Surely there are healthier ways to deal with all your stress or to reward yourself!" She did not say, "Your liver can only handle so much – you are heading for a breakdown!!" Those may well be fair statements, but that is not what she said.

I said that I don't routinely add salt to food but I do like salty foods; my feet have swollen in the summertime every year since I was first pregnant; I could stop eating salty foods tomorrow, but I guarantee that my feet will still swell on hot days; so what is the point of giving up a food I really love?

What I didn't say but thought later: A glass of white wine has 133 calories. A freaking STEAK has 679 calories! Guess what I eat exactly never??? Choices, lady!

Her response: "Well, you'll never know until you try."

And then we did my tests: Blood pressure - excellent! Thyroid - excellent! Cholesterol - excellent! (And my good cholesterol is beyond excellent! I am the poster girl for HDL!) Blood sugar - excellent!

In other words, my excess weight and lack of exercise are not hurting any part of my body except my poor beleaguered arthritic knees — and while I'm sure my weight isn't helping the situation, arthritis is an equal opportunity disorder: It afflicts the thin as well as the fat.

But whatever. People equate "thin" with "healthy," and we all want to be healthy, right?

I am sure that I will look back on this time in my life as the period when I waited way too long to have knee replacement surgery. I'm not afraid of the pain, I'm not afraid of the drudgery of rehab, I'm afraid of all the time it will take out of my life!! This is me:

How can I possibly do this???
I have to work! We have a college tuition to pay! Without my constant vigilance, our home would be  giant smoking crater!!

Except, wow, looking at that picture is actually rather enticing. I have been working like a crazygirl for a little too long now. Once I finish this math book I'm editing, my schedule opens up a little and I will have some breathing room, which will be excellent.

But now I have to get back to it. Math waits for no Lady!


  1. Everyone says you have a sexy Thyroid...

    1. My thyroid is smokin'!! But not in an unhealthy way. (It never inhales.)

  2. My buddy Stephen Colbert drinks that same wine! I read an article online somewhere about his revamping his Late Show and I wrote it down. Went to my Notes app on my iPhone to note yours and there it was already! He also drinks Macallan single malt scotch. I don't know why I recorded that since I never drink the hard stuff.

    1. I am so so so happy to know this!!

      I don't drink the hard stuff either, but two of my besties love "brown liquor" — I will keep it in mind for when the next present-giving occasion comes around. What a font of knowledge you are!


  3. A guy at a wedding last year [why do I end up sitting next to these types?] told me he only wanted to date slim women because "they take care of themselves."
    I said, "Oh, how can you tell they aren't bulemic?"
    (NOT to pick on women of any size, but size is no guarantee of health.)

    Then I told him about two slim and active guys, like HIM, I knew who dropped dead AT HIS AGE of heart attacks.

    Anyway. Rant over.

    1. Man, no kidding. I look at my three thinnest friends, and none of them is a picture of health — and one is so obsessed with her (tiny tiny) weight, it is truly ridiculous. Thin, fat, there are WAY better measures of health. Having said all that, I'm not a moron: I know my knees would be MUCH happier with less to carry around. But that is not the same thing as "not being healthy."

      Hey, that wedding sounds like a blast! Ha. Good for you, though! You are sharp and quick.

    2. Heh, heh. Yeah, I just love being insulted by strangers at weddings...
      I'm going to another wedding this weekend---will try hard not to sit next to a jerk (though you can't tell by looking---same as health).

  4. P.S. Victory! I sat next to a sweet couple who met each other in Band and play board games---my sort of people! No insults!