Friday, June 30, 2017

My Life as an Inspiration to Others

 
How I envy you all, having me to envy!

(Ha ha.)

But I am happy and smug this morning — yes, even from my vantage point of heavier-than-I've-ever-been. I weighed myself and almost fell over (a repeat of last Sunday morning), but this time it was a happy light-headedness rather than horror.

First weight: 290! A loss of 10 pounds in a week!

Yet this seemed a little too Xanadu-ish, so I moved the scale and weighed myself three more times: 293.5, 292, and 291.

I'll err on the side of caution and take the highest weight, but still. I knew last week's high weight was fake weight and would come right off! But it was still a good wake-up call.

I'm also excited because I finished yesterday's editing job and may have no work for today, and I finally get to tackle my enormous To-Do pile! Oh, it is sad what I can get excited about, but there you have it. On today's I-hope-to-accomplish list:
  • Laundry (still haven't washed all my travel clothes)
  • Pack up a box of presents for my beloved nephew (the result of deep-cleaning Li'l Martini's room a few weeks ago; I saw said nephew in California and said, "Honey, do you need Wolverine hands and a lightsaber?" and he said, "YES." So cute!! But this is also why I have to do laundry; I'm sending him a sleep shirt featuring the kid from A Christmas Story, and it badly needs a wash)
  • Finish and send letters regarding Mimosa's disability plan for next year; we are having trouble finding a clinician to provide the documentation requested by Student Disability Services, so I'm sending a note to every single person who's treated her in the past two years, hoping at least one will help us. Her first year was a struggle on many fronts, and we are trying to be proactive
  • Make a call regarding our backyard shed, which is sinking into the earth; we need someone to tear it down, bolster the foundation, and build a new shed, and I can't find one company that can do all three things (despite my hopes of working with Dirty Girl Construction — such a great name!). I am sure that we are sheltering many skunk skeletons and other deceased wildlife; as I told Brunie, I'm not sure whether I need a demo crew, a handyman, or an exorcist
  • Use my Staples reward coupon, which expires today, to buy Li'l Martini a backpack; his is in shreds
If time allows:
  • Reorganize my closet so the winter clothes are at the back
How satisfying it will be to check these items off my list!!! And then I have a lovely free weekend with nothing scheduled! And four enticing library books!



Off to start the laundry. Item 1 — check!

xox
Lady C

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Buh-Bye!


Sorry for the disgusting image, but I am celebrating. With just a little vigilance, I've already knocked off five and a half pounds! And yes, I know this isn't real fat, it's mostly water, but still. I'll take it!

My aim is for small, sensible meals. I get into trouble when I wait too long to eat, and then it's harder to make good choices. I know this very well, and yet, and yet. I am an idiot.

I haven't had one good long sweaty walk yet (the demon work continues to haunt my waking hours), and I need to bite the bullet and just do it already because it's starting to feel scary. But I've been dedicated about moving around mid-work and doing my PT.

Last night I had a glass of wine (my first drink since Saturday morning!) . . .
Oh, wait, that sounds bad. I was in an airport? and just found out my flight had been delayed? by A LOT? and I was on the West Coast but it was 1 p.m. in my body? and it was [they were] Bloody Marys?
Is any of this making it better?
. . . and I was still down two pounds this morning. I always love confirmation that wine is not my diet enemy!

OK — time to knock off work for now (I had a day off, but then a client called and begged. Begged!! What am I supposed to do??) and make a lovely dinner using a bunch of stuff from my CSA: bok choy, garlic scapes, and who knows what all. We're also having a big dish of potstickers, some edamame, four lovely composed fruit salads, and Thai Fried Rice that I just picked up at Trader Joe's. Yum!

My stomach is growling, but I won't eat until dinner time. I like to pretend that the growling is the sound of my body eating its own fat.



It's probably eating my gorgeous breasts, but oh well.

xox
Lady C

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Inch by Inch, Row by Row

Down another pound! Woo-hoo!

One day at a time takes freaking forever, but what are my alternatives???

After two days of walking, PT, weight-lifting, and stretching, I am sore sore sore. I guess Deep Water isn't working all of my muscles . . . ! In particular, my triceps are weeping.

It's all good. I kinda like the achy-breaky sore muscle feeling, because I know I'm doing something right. Despite my advanced weight, I still have relatively toned and pretty arms, and I would be very sad to lose those. Lift, lift, lift!!

I have a lot of work booked for today, so my daily goals are simple and do-able:
  • Get up and move at least once an hour.
  • Do five PT exercises.
  • Drink a lot of water and avoid alcohol.
  • Eat small meals of real food.
Onward!

xox
Lady C


p.s. I brought home 12 buttermilk donuts for my family, my favorite donut in the entire world, and I have so far successfully resisted them. But there are only two left, and I am staring at them a bit obsessively. I am giving myself permission to eat half of one, and then I'll have some yogurt or cereal or something healthier. Love those donuts!!!!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Shock and Awful

My fam: Mateo, Mom, Miguelito, and Lady C

I just spent 10 glorious days in California celebrating Mom's milestone birthday (three quarters of a century!).
 
The morning after I got home, I weighed myself.


And then almost threw up. The number that appeared is one I have NEVER seen before. I am almost too sick and shocked and ashamed to say what it is, but I will: 300 pounds.

Horrifying.

After I regained consciousness (ha), I realized this wasn't a "real" weight: I'd been flying all day, was starving when I landed, ate a McDonald's meal at 2 a.m., and also did a LOT of eating and drinking while at Mom's.

Yesterday I ate sensibly, took a walk, lifted weights, and had a long hot bath, and this morning I'd already dropped three pounds.

Nevertheless: After all my efforts, all I've learned, and all I've been through, six years after starting this blog I am at my highest weight ever.

This is NOT why I had two knees replaced!!!

Since August, I've been working at a frenetic pace; I haven't made any time for real exercise outside of my Deep Water class twice a week. And since I finished off-site physical therapy on May 9, I haven't done any on my own at home (again, because of my ridiculous work schedule). In fact, I've done the opposite of physical therapy: for weeks I sat at my desk working without moving around enough (trying to finish editing the giant math book before I left for California), and my feet got very swollen and misshapen. This cannot possibly be good for me!!

Something's gotta give. 

I'm not going to make any huge plans or goals — right now, anyway. I am simply going to try to take it one day at a time. That's what I did yesterday, and it worked well.

Today I will:
  • Get up and move at least once an hour while I'm editing.
  • Eat small meals of real food.
  • Eat an apple.
  • Take a walk.
  • Do five PT exercises.
  • Drink water, and avoid alcohol.
I got this.

But in addition to the concrete list above, I am going to try hard to shake the feeling of shame and guilt. It's just weight. It is not a moral failing on my part.


It's so depressing, though. I could tell from my mom's many full-length mirrors that I'd gotten bigger, but I honestly thought I looked pretty cute in California, even next to my thinner sisters-in-law:

Ah, well.

It was a great trip, and I have many fun stories to tell — but I've been sitting long enough! Time to move around a little.

xox
A determined Lady C