Monday, June 26, 2017

Shock and Awful

My fam: Mateo, Mom, Miguelito, and Lady C

I just spent 10 glorious days in California celebrating Mom's milestone birthday (three quarters of a century!).
The morning after I got home, I weighed myself.

And then almost threw up. The number that appeared is one I have NEVER seen before. I am almost too sick and shocked and ashamed to say what it is, but I will: 300 pounds.


After I regained consciousness (ha), I realized this wasn't a "real" weight: I'd been flying all day, was starving when I landed, ate a McDonald's meal at 2 a.m., and also did a LOT of eating and drinking while at Mom's.

Yesterday I ate sensibly, took a walk, lifted weights, and had a long hot bath, and this morning I'd already dropped three pounds.

Nevertheless: After all my efforts, all I've learned, and all I've been through, six years after starting this blog I am at my highest weight ever.

This is NOT why I had two knees replaced!!!

Since August, I've been working at a frenetic pace; I haven't made any time for real exercise outside of my Deep Water class twice a week. And since I finished off-site physical therapy on May 9, I haven't done any on my own at home (again, because of my ridiculous work schedule). In fact, I've done the opposite of physical therapy: for weeks I sat at my desk working without moving around enough (trying to finish editing the giant math book before I left for California), and my feet got very swollen and misshapen. This cannot possibly be good for me!!

Something's gotta give. 

I'm not going to make any huge plans or goals — right now, anyway. I am simply going to try to take it one day at a time. That's what I did yesterday, and it worked well.

Today I will:
  • Get up and move at least once an hour while I'm editing.
  • Eat small meals of real food.
  • Eat an apple.
  • Take a walk.
  • Do five PT exercises.
  • Drink water, and avoid alcohol.
I got this.

But in addition to the concrete list above, I am going to try hard to shake the feeling of shame and guilt. It's just weight. It is not a moral failing on my part.

It's so depressing, though. I could tell from my mom's many full-length mirrors that I'd gotten bigger, but I honestly thought I looked pretty cute in California, even next to my thinner sisters-in-law:

Ah, well.

It was a great trip, and I have many fun stories to tell — but I've been sitting long enough! Time to move around a little.

A determined Lady C


  1. I looked at all the pics before I read your text, and thought you the most pulchritudinous lady in the photos. It is so hard to eat real food and find time to exercise on a busy schedule, and so easy to find alcohol! Life is so unfair.

  2. Oh, you just made me so happy! But honestly compels me to say: my sestra are both beautiful girls, but neither one is especially photogenic. Flinty Red in particular always looks so plain in photos, but she is quite lovely in real life, with delicate, elfin features. It's a puzzlement.